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“I'm sorry I haven't been more accessible this week.” I watch the way her eyes scan the room, stopping here and there on objects of interest, but refusing to meet my gaze.
“I don't own you, Stacia. I'm not putting any claim on your time. We can figure this out as we go, no stress.” I want to. I want to reach out and put a hand on hers, but I have a feeling that contact isn't what she needs right now.
“I also wanted to thank you for being so understanding at the cabin.” Her cheeks go red, leaving no doubt what she’s talking about. “And thank you for the extra bonus.”
“You have nothing to thank me for, but I appreciate that you’re appreciative.” I know that what we're discussing right now isn't the heart of the problem that she came to my office to discuss, but I also don't mind letting her get these little details off of her chest. The more we talk, the more comfortable she might feel opening up about what’s truly bothering her.
I can see the relief in her features, as if she was still worried that I might be judging her. She couldn't be further from the truth. I grew up with a mother, I had female friends, I’m not squeamish about the body or its functions. Maybe that’s further evidence of our age gap - she’s still worried about things like that, where they’re old news to me.
She takes it deep, shaky breath and lets out a laugh that holds no mirth. “None of this is where I came in here to talk to you,” she says, confirming my thoughts.
“You can take all the time you need to get there,” I say.
She takes another deep breath, her leg bouncing as if she's trying to let out all the nervous energy contained in her frame. “The truth is, I didn't tell you, but I have this... ex-boyfriend.”
The second she says the words, I understand the reason for her wincing when she received that text message when she came into my office. Though she didn't say anything bad about him, her body language has told me everything I need to know about him, and I have a feeling he's the reason she hasn't been sleeping at night. An undeniable rage starts to boil in my gut.
I understand her fear, her concern, why she's so afraid of any relationship between us, and why she expects me to be a monster when I’m certain I’ve never been anything but kind and understanding.
“How can I help?”
My question seems to jerk her out of her thoughts and she glances at me, her eyes wide and serious. Her lips part in shock as she says, “Help?” The word holds confusion, hope, and doubt, as if she’s not sure how I can help while being unsure why I’m offering to help and wishes I can dig her out of whatever trouble her ex has her in.
All at once, her expression clears up, as if the answer has become completely obvious, and there's no denying the truth.
“You can call off this fake engagement.” I can see the hurt and fear in her eyes and know that this isn't what she wants, but that she feels cornered. What could this ex possibly have on her that would have her so afraid she'd run away knowing the power and stature I wield and my ability to save her?
Or maybe she's not willing to let someone save her.
I have no way of knowing what this guy has done to her, what he's made her believe, how he's made her doubt herself. I know the power toxic relationships can have over people and how bad boyfriends or girlfriends can wear someone down, destroy their self-esteem, and ruin their faith in humanity. Stacia may very well feel she has no other option than to break things off with me to protect herself.
“And how will that solve the problem?” I ask in an even, calm, non-aggressive tone.
I can tell by the way she glances at me that she didn't expect me to have a follow up question. “Well, um...” she hesitates, then lets her breath out in a whoosh, as if releasing everything she’s been holding back so far. “You're rich. That's not a secret. You have power. That's not a secret. When your mother announces our engagement to the world my ex is going to know that and use it against me.”
“So he’s out for money, then?” I say the words like they’re a question, but they're not a question. I know exactly what's going on.
I can see her throat flex as she swallows hard. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. Instead, she nods her head in agreement.
“So just to be sure I'm very clear, you want us to break off our fake engagement because you're worried that your ex-boyfriend will try to extort me.”
She nods again, her eyes wide and fearful as the hollow at the base of her throat bottoms out.
I placed my elbows on my desk and steeple my fingers together, pondering this whole situation for a moment. “And what happens when you move on and find someone new, someone you're actually interested in? Are you going to put your life on hold forever for this guy?”
She seemed stunned by the question, and I realized she hasn't considered the implications of her statement.
I lean forward in my chair, lower my hands, and focus on her. “Just to be clear, I'm not telling you no. If you want to break off our fake engagement, I will absolutely do that with no problem and no hard feelings. But I want to help you through this because you're giving this guy a lot of power over your life. If you let him control you now, he will control you forever.” I reach out and put a hand on hers. Her fingers are cold under my touch and I surround her hand with mine in an attempt to warm her up.
“After all we are friends and coworkers. So I'm going to give you the advice I'd give any other friend that I cared about and was worried about, regardless of any other arrangements we've made, okay?”
She nods at my words, her attention locked on my hand over hers. “Thank you,” she whispers, the words rattling in her throat.
“I get the feeling you don't have a lot of people in your corner. Is that correct?” I don't want to pry too much, but I imagine that like every other time, she'll shut me down if I'm pushing too hard.
“You are correct.” Her words are so soft I almost don’t hear them. I do catch the hint of shame and sadness in them, though.
“And that's his doing, I assume?” I already know you can tell a lot about a person based on their past relationships, good and bad. Everything she tells me will help me help her move forward when everything is said and done.
