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Maisie lifted her chin. “I didn’t realize how suffocated I felt until after. Trying to stuff myself into a mold to fit what he wanted me to be.” Her voice was soft as she spoke, enough for each syllable to make me feel like the air was way too thin. She traced the pattern of her skirt, unable to look me in the eye. “He always looked down on me, and I knew it. Not on purpose, I don’t think—Alex isn’t cruel.”
I could think of a million descriptors for the meathead, and cruel probably was one of them. Maybe not purposefully cruel. I’ve never met anyone as air-headish as that kid. But still. “You give him a lot of credit. I’m not that generous.”
“He wants to be like you, the cool guy everyone looks up to.”
Hearing that made my mouth want to twist into a grimace, the words leaving a bad taste in my mouth. It brought back blind conviction Number Two. “It’s overrated. If I could trade places with Alex, I would.” As soon as I said it, panic bolted through me, as sharp as the pain of a muscle being strained too far. Much too transparent. I scrambled to cover my tracks. “He can be the guy everyone scrutinizes. Because I know what it feels like to be suffocated, too.”
I glanced at Maisie, analyzing her expression. It was oddly calm for our conversation, for the weight of it all. Her eyes behind her glasses were clear of any tears, and I couldn’t see any sadness there, either. Her brown hair hung over one shoulder, a few strands twisting with the wind, and I had the sudden urge to comb my fingers through it.
Not the time, Connor.
“I wish I figured it out sooner. That we wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t have had to worry about keeping all this from him. Figured out that I…wanted more.”
Her words speared through me, ringing true with a corner of my heart I’d beaten into submission over the years. The section of my heart that bowed down to the convictions. Football is life, popularity is key, and never let anyone see behind the mask.
I wanted more. Weeks ago, when I met Maisie for the first time, I never could’ve dreamed of how much her feelings seemed to mirror my own.
Like I said, Maisie Matthews had been the one to make me second-guess everything. The one to make me want more.
My body moved before I even gave it permission, desires overriding my brain, though not for the first time when it came to her. I thought about the closet, tracing her cheek. I’d been able to stop myself in time then—before I got us both into serious trouble—but I couldn’t stop myself now.
I picked her hand up off her skirt and held it, praying that it wasn’t sweaty from how badly I wanted this.Please don’t pull away, I thought. “You deserve more. You deserve the world, Maisie Matthews.”
She held perfectly still for a moment, looking at our hands in a way that I couldn’t even begin to guess what she was thinking. My words—jeez, they were probably overly sentimental, but I believed them with my whole heart. She deserved the world, and I’d do anything to get it for her.
Please don’t pull away.
Maisie maneuvered her fingers underneath mine, and for a split second, I thought she was going to drop my hand. I didn’t know what I would’ve done then. There’d be no playing it off like this was a love advice session. It had to be obvious.Ihad to be obvious. With how smart she was, she had to know.
She threaded her fingers through mine, bringing our palms closer, tightening the grip she had on my hand.
I’d held hands with a lot of girls. I couldn’t count how many times Jade had grabbed my hand, flaunting our relationship for all to see.
But when Maisie pressed her palm flush with mine and then looked up at me with her soft brown eyes, I nearly lost my mind. I sure as hell wasn’t breathing.
She moved before I could. Trust me when I say that if she hadn’t literally rendered me motionless, I would’ve moved first. The thought that had been lingering in my mind for days now had resurfaced with a need so strong that I would’ve leaned in first, but Maisie was too fast.
She kissed me first, and just like that, it was game over.
The hesitation behind her kiss was obvious from the barely there pressure of her mouth, almost like she thought I’d pull away at any second. As if. With a sharp breath in, I threaded my fingers through the hair at the back of her head, relishing in the softness that slipped against my skin like silk. I angled her head back and kissed her for real.
Any hesitation? Gone.
The way her lips moved against mine was nothing like the forceful claim I’d been so used to over the past few months, and that alone caused the electricity to build underneath my skin. She kissed me because she wanted to, because after all of our sessions together, we hadn’t been building to an Algebra exam—we’d been building to this.
I’d never been challenged like the way she challenged me, and for the first time in my entire life, I didn’t care about any of it. Not about football, not about popularity, and not about hiding my feelings. Not right now. Not with her. With her, in this moment in time, none of it mattered.
If only I could’ve held onto that confidence, to that newfound conviction, bottled it up and kept it safe. I didn’t realize how easy it would’ve been for the old ones to seep back in. Didn’t realize someone would be there to smash it to bits.
But for this one moment, as I pressed Maisie against the side of the car, I let myself believe that anything was possible. As long as it was with her.
