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He had nothing left to give anyone else, not even Beth.
Yet despite that, his chest felt tight, an ache inside him.
“I don’t know why she’s staring at me like that,” he said shortly, shoving the pain away. “I didn’t say a bloody word to her.”
There was a silence behind him, but he could feel the pressure of Levi’s skepticism like a weight pressing down on his back.
“Sure you didn’t.” Another pause. “Right, better get this lot back down to HQ.”
Finn didn’t turn.
Levi’s footsteps moved away, crunching on the gravel, and then came the sound of his voice calling all the tourists together and getting them organized in his truck, Karl yipping excitedly. Some of them rode in the deck behind the cab, which wasn’t technically allowed, but the tourists loved it. They were all ordered to keep their riding helmets on, and Levi drove very slowly too, so no one was in any danger of being tipped out.
Finn stayed in the stall until he heard the truck pull away down the driveway and silence fell.
“Finn?” Beth’s voice came from behind him.
He tensed, feeling the heat that inevitably rose whenever she was around rise again, bringing with it yet more of that subtle ache and fierce hunger.
Hunger for the sunshine inside her, because it didn’t seem to matter how much he had, he always wanted more.
But he couldn’t have it, just like he couldn’t have her taking care of him.
It would be selfish to take when he couldn’t give anything back.
She’d been through so much. She’d lost her baby, survived postnatal depression, then come halfway around the world to find a new life for herself, and the last thing she needed was some brooding widower who couldn’t give her what she truly deserved.
He took a breath, dropped the straw in his hand, and turned.
She was standing at the stall gate, holding her helmet in one hand, strands of pale hair blowing loosely in the breeze.
He remembered the hair brush he kept in a drawer in his nightstand, with golden strands of hair still caught in the bristles.
“I’m sorry,” he said, because she deserved an apology from him. It wasn’t her fault he was a moody asshole. “About back at lunch. I was short with you, and I didn’t mean to be.”
“That’s okay.” She lifted a hand and pushed some hair out of her face. “But I…I think we need to talk.”
Talking was the last thing he wanted to do, but she wasn’t wrong. And if he wanted this to work—and he really did—he was going to have to suck up some unpleasant things.
Marriage was about compromise after all, and he’d found it with Sheri. He didn’t see why he couldn’t find it with Beth too.
“About anything in particular?” A stupid question, since he knew full well what she wanted to talk about, but it would be good to hear it from her directly. So he could prepare himself.
“I think you know,” she said quietly. “You said you want this marriage to work, but it feels like there’s a whole lot of stuff that’s off-limits with you, subjects you don’t want to talk about, and I don’t like having to feel my way around it. I don’t want to end up inadvertently hurting you or making things difficult. So…I’d like to work out a road map. I think we both need one.”
She’s not wrong.
She wasn’t. And even though he didn’t want to talk or think about any kind of “road map,” he knew he was going to have to. It wasn’t fair to her otherwise.
“Yeah, okay.” He let no hint of his reluctance show in his voice. “I guess we do need to talk about that. So when do you want to discuss it? I’ve got to finish up here and get back to HQ, then help Cait with getting the projector set up for tonight.”
The projector was for town movie night, which happened in late summer or whenever someone was bored and wanted to do something social. It involved a projector and screen being set up beside the lake, chairs from the Rose being hauled out, drinks and snacks being handed around, and about a mile of extension cords to sort out.
Everyone loved movie night though. Sitting by the lake in the evening, watching a movie on DVD, sipping a beer and eating chips, and sometimes talking more than actually watching the movie. Sometimes there would be a few tourists lingering by the lake and they often joined in too.
It was a great social occasion.
“Okay,” Beth said. “Then maybe after the movie. I presume you’re going?”
