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No, she’d seen that expression on his face, the fierce, bright one. It was longing—she was sure of it. And it came to her suddenly that he wasn’t arguing because he didn’t want what she had to give. He was arguing because he did. He wanted it desperately.
He stood there rigidly, his jaw tight, everything about him radiating tension. And part of her wanted to end this conversation and stop pushing him, tell him it was okay, they could discuss this at a later date, never if that’s what he wanted.
But she knew she couldn’t do that. Because deep down, she suspected hedidn’twant that. He was hungry for connection. She’d felt it every time he took her in his arms, in the care he lavished on her and on the animals he looked after. In the town he protected with his quiet, steadying presence.
He wanted it, yet for some reason he was denying himself.
“Why not?” she asked quietly.
***
Beth stood in front of him, curvy and perfect, her white-blond hair glowing in the last rays of the sunshine streaming through the windows of the gallery. Her green gaze was direct and he could see the strength inside her. Not a brittle strength but supple, flexible. Willing to bend but not break.
She loved him, she’d said. The one thing they’d promised each other wouldn’t happen. The one reason why all this worked.
He didn’t love her, but she loved him.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It wasn’t supposed to happen.
This wasn’t supposed to be complicated. It was supposed to be easy. And that was the problem, because nothing was easy when feelings got involved; everything became that much harder, that much more painful.
He didn’t want pain for her, not after everything she’d been through.
He’d told her the truth when he’d said that she deserved more, because she did. She deserved happiness and stability. She deserved love. She deserved the life she’d come here to claim and a man who could love her the way she should be loved, which was with every part of him.
But he wasn’t that man. He’d never be that man. He didn’t have the ability anymore, not after Sheri. And he couldn’t allow her to give him her heart while he kept his locked away. It wasn’t fair to her.
Liar. Don’t make this all about her when it’s your own damn cowardice you’re protecting.
The thought wound through his brain, but he shoved it away.
He wasn’t protecting himself. This was for her sake and cowardice would be letting her love him while he gave nothing back. He could tell himself all he liked that bringing her the food she liked and looking after her when she was sick and moving her into his house was enough, but it wasn’t, and he knew it.
Beth Grant was a woman who needed to be loved.
“Why not?” he echoed, trying to ignore the way his chest ached and his hands longed to reach for her, to pull her close. “Because it’s not fair, Beth. It’s not fair to you. Not after all you’ve gone through.”
Her gaze flickered. “Don’t give me that. Don’t make this about me. Anyway, aren’t I the one who gets to decide what’s fair to me?”
A strange agitation gripped him. He pulled a hand from his pocket and shoved it through his hair. “So what are you saying? You’d be happy to marry a man who doesn’t love you? You came here for a new life, Beth. To find happiness. And I can’t give you that happiness. I can’t.”
She watched him, and he didn’t understand the look in her eyes because by rights she should be angry with him, yet there was no anger at all there. Only what looked like compassion, which made the restless, antsy feeling inside him even worse.
“But you want to,” she said quietly. “Don’t you?”
He stilled, his heart beating way too fast.
You do. You want her. You want to be with her, have her in your house, in your bed, in your arms. You want to talk to her, confide in her, share everything with her, and you have since the day you first met her.
No, shit, he didn’t want that, and he didn’t know where this weird, restless, agitated feeling was coming from. He couldn’t give her that even if he’d wanted to because he’d given all of that to Sheri and he had nothing left in his heart for Beth.
Nothing.
“It doesn’t matter if I want to or not,” he said flatly, trying to calm the hell down. “The fact is, I can’t. Sheri died and everything I had to give died with her. I’ve got nothing left for anyone, not even you.”
“And our child?” Beth asked in the same quiet voice. “Does that include them too?”
His heart twisted. “That’s different.”
