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I sighed heavily and parked against the curb, walking into the pub I usually went to. I’d figured I should do something more productive than drink myself into a stupor, but the idea of forgetting was too enticing.
I sat down at the bar and ordered Bourbon. The amber liquid arrived a moment later, and I nodded at the bartender in thanks. Was it too soon to tell him he could leave the damn bottle?
I drank the first two glasses alone, thinking about how miserable my life had become.
My mind drifted to Jade. I forced my thoughts away from her––thinking about her just hurt me on a whole different level. God, I wished I hadn’t pushed her away. I wished I had her to talk to about all this. I had a feeling she would understand––she knew me, and she knew Ben. I just couldn’t do this to her right now. She deserved so much more than the mess my life had become.
“Hey, little brother,” a familiar voice said next to me, and Richard appeared. He sat on the stool next to me and clapped me on the back.
I groaned. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I’m here to drink with you,” he said. “You look like you’re having a shit time, and no man should have to drown his sorrows alone.”
I snorted and shook my head. “If it is all the same to you, I’d rather you leave me alone.”
“Come on, man. I know things are pretty damn shit. Talk to me.”
I laughed bitterly. “So that you can tell me how badly I fucked up? So you can rub it in my face that I never have my shit together?”
Richard frowned. “That’s not what I’m here for at all.”
“Oh, please. You love pointing out how good you have it and how I threw it all away.”
Richard studied my face. “Is that what you think I think of you?”
“Don’t you?” I asked and drained my second glass. I wasn’t good with alcohol––I’d never been. It didn’t take a lot to get me drunk, and I already felt buzzed. Maybe the fact that I hadn’t eaten anything substantial in three days had something to do with it, too.
“I don’t think you threw it all away,” Richard said. “I mean, I give you shit, but that’s what brothers do.”
“You give me shit because you think you’re better than me. You have it all––the prospects, the life, and the perfect condition to continue Dad’s legacy. And me…I got a girl pregnant without knowing it, and now I’m raising my son alone.”
Richard frowned. “If you think I think you fucked up because of what you’re doing, then you’re wrong.”
“You’re so full of shit,” I sneered and waved at the bartender for another drink. “You’re always on me about how much better you are. You think I’m pathetic for doing this.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus, Aaron, if I knew that was what you thought of me, I would have set the record straight years ago. I think you’re noble as fuck for what you did.”
I frowned at Richard, blinking. “What?”
“You heard me. Taking in a kid isn’t easy, and raising him alone…hell, I wouldn’t have had what it took. If I’d been in your shoes, I would probably have put him up for adoption. I wouldn’t have had what it took to raise a kid and give him the right opportunities, but you…you’ve raised Ben all alone, and you’ve done a fucking good job at it, too. He’s a good kid, well-mannered, bright, with a good future ahead of him. That’s all on you, and that’s admirable as hell. I don’t look down on you. I admire you.”
I shook my head. “Then why are you always so standoffish? Why do you avoid me like the plague and treat me like shit when you have to face me?”
Richard sighed, and when the whiskey he ordered appeared, he sipped it carefully. He studied the liquid in his glass.
“I’ve worked my whole life to amount to something great. I’ve done it all right, by the book. After everything I did, I’m not half the man you are.”
“I don’t get it,” I said. “What does that even mean?”
“It means you are everything a man should be, and you’re not even trying. You do what you should, no matter how hard it is, and you keep marching on, and it’s fucking tough to know that your little brother has bigger balls than you do.”
I shook my head. Richard admired me? He thought I was good?
“Maybe we should talk more about what we really feel,” Richard said. “You thought I don’t like you, I thought you’re too good for me…we spent years not being close to each other, and that’s a fucking shame. We should stand together.”
He lifted his glass in salute to me. “What do you say, brother? How about we start figuring shit out together?”
I hesitantly lifted my glass and clinked it against Richard’s. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. Had my brother and I made up? Did it turn out I had an unexpected ally all this time?
