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He sat on the chair and patted his thigh. I was taken back to that day all those months ago, when he’d caught me touching myself in the mirror. So much had changed, and yet the truth remained. He wasn’t mine, and he never would be.
“What happened to my good girl?” he asked when I remained frozen to the spot, absorbed by my thoughts.
Maybe she doesn’t want to obey.
I avoided looking at him, afraid what I’d see in his eyes.
“Elle,” he rasped, mindful of his volume level. “Come.” He crooked a finger, and I did. Because I always would. Even when I knew it would be to my own detriment, I always did as Tristan asked. And as always, he rewarded me with the most intense pleasure I’d ever known.
After, we crawled into bed, sated and boneless. As I lay in his arms, I listened to his breathing even out. My chest felt heavy. I wished I could slow down time. I wished I could relive this summer, so I replayed every moment of our time together. From that first day when I’d moved in, to his haircut, to our first kiss. And everything else in between.
I studied Tristan in the moonlight. The dark lashes that fanned over his face. His cheekbones. The rise and fall of his chest. I didn’t want to fall asleep. I didn’t want to say goodbye.
I wiped away a tear, inhaling a shaky breath and dragging in his scent. My heart was heavy, aching. And I felt physically ill at the idea of leaving Tristan and the kids.
Despite fighting sleep, at some point, I must have succumbed to the spell of being in his arms. But when I woke up alone, day was breaking, and it was time to face reality.
I showered and got dressed with a heavy heart. Then I headed downstairs, where I tried to smile and remain upbeat for the kids. Tristan was quiet, and I could feel the wall he was erecting between us. Putting the last bricks in place.
The drive to the airport was silent apart from a few sniffles from Maddox in the back seat. Savannah was quiet, her expression downturned. And Tristan was impassive. I peered out the window and tried to hold it together even as my world crumbled.
When we arrived at the airport, Tristan parked and carried my bag in. The kids each took one of my hands, and I kept squeezing them in mine. Trying to memorize the feel of them. Trying to reassure them that I loved them, and that I would see them again.
My flight was on time, and my bag had already been loaded onto the conveyor belt that would take it to the plane. I delayed as long as I could, but I couldn’t wait much longer to go through security. I rechecked my stuff. I had my backpack, my purse, my ticket, and my passport, yet I felt so unprepared.
In some ways, I almost felt as if I was leaving Tristan and the children in a worse place than when I’d moved in. My mom had threatened to challenge Tristan’s custody of the kids because I’d provoked her. Rex still hadn’t returned. Considering how small the AV was and how determined everyone was to find him, I was beginning to worry we never would.
All I kept thinking was, how had my sister done this? How had she said goodbye, knowing there was a good chance she’dneversee them again. And then I thought about the kids and how I was putting them through that same pain all over again. And for what?
Did I evenwantto go anymore? Was the JET Program what I really wanted to do? Or was it just something I’d chosen because it was far from the AV? Because doing something to bring me closer to Sicily would piss off my mom?
“I’m going to miss you, Ellie,” Savannah said, hugging me.
“I—” I cleared my throat, my voice breaking. “I’m going to miss you too. So,somuch.” I squeezed her tight, trying not to completely fall apart. “And you, Mads.” I opened my arms, inviting him to join us.
“Do you really have to go?” Maddox asked, his eyes red from crying.
I pulled in a deep breath then released it slowly, wiping a tear away from his cheek. “I do. But you know what, we can FaceTime.”
Savannah sniffled. “It won’t be the same.”
I smoothed my hand over her hair. “I’m with you always.” I moved my hand to her chest, placing it over her heart. And she nodded. “Just like your mom.”
“Will you still meet us in the castle library?” Maddox asked.
“Of course. You can always find me there.” I held them tightly to my chest, trying not to cry. I had to be strong—for them. Even if I was doing it with a gaping wound in my chest.
It was only when they made an announcement over the PA system for my flight that I finally released Maddox and Savannah. I stood and faced Tristan, his expression unreadable. His hands were in his pockets, and he kept glancing around. Looking anywhere but at me.
God, this sucks.
“Thank you for…well,” I sighed. “For everything.”
I shifted on my feet, debating whether to hug him or not. I wanted to, but I didn’t know what he wanted. I didn’t know if I could handle it. And the longer we stood here, the more awkward it was.
“Thankyou,” he said. His brown eyes swirled with gratitude and regret, and I wondered if he regretted us. Regrettedme.
“Give her a hug, Dad,” Savannah said, pushing Tristan toward me.
