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“Let’s go,” I said, trying to infuse my voice with some enthusiasm.
I buckled Maddox in and turned up the radio. Despite the upbeat tune, everyone was silent as we drove to the donut shop.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” I asked Savannah when she got out of the car.
She grunted and ground her heel into her shoes. “I think my shoes are too—” another grunt “—small.”
Great. Just one more thing I need to take care of.
I’d always appreciated all the things Tessa did for our family; I just hadn’t realized the full extent of it until after she’d died. The kids’ clothes. The bills. Summer camps and activities.
I didn’t know what I was going to do when the kids were out of school, but winter break had shown me that having them home all summer wasn’t a plan. I hadn’t gotten any work done. It had only compounded the feeling that I was falling short in every aspect of my life.
I was drowning in parenthood, work, and paperwork, and it only seemed to get worse. There were documents to be filed since Tessa’s death. Arrangements to be made. A local attorney, Audrey Monroe, had been helping me with all the legal issues.
Now, if only someone could help me navigate life.
TWO
Six Weeks Later
I tugged at my collar, scanning the rows of guests for Maddox and Savannah. Harper and Enzo’s vineyard was packed, everyone in town showing up for Bennett and Wren’s wedding. I finally caught sight of my kids, and my heart softened. Savannah looked so grown-up in her dress and Maddox in his suit. And yet their smiles remained innocent, despite everything they’d been through.
If Tessa were here, she would’ve insisted on taking a family picture to capture the moment. It was something I needed to be better about—documenting the happy memories. But all I could focus on was the fact that the most important member of our family was missing. Tessa was literally out of the picture, and for the rest of their lives, my kids would have a finite number of images with their mom. No more memories made. No more photographs taken. At least not any that she’d be in.
My chest ached, and I stared up at the sky, wishing so fucking badly that Tessa were here. Since she’d died, it felt as if a part of me had gone missing. As if my heart had been surgically removed.
While things had slowly gotten better over time, I still had so many days I found it impossible to breathe. At times, the grief could be suffocating. Tessa had been my entire world for so long, I’d forgotten what it was like to live without her.
A breeze blew through the vineyard, bringing with it the scents of home. Of the land that Tessa loved and the community where we’d made a family. I watched as Bennett jogged back toward the altar, a huge smile on his face.
I was so happy for him. I knew what it was like to find your soul mate, and I believed Bennett had found that in Wren. But seeing them smile up at each other as they exchanged their vows was breaking me.
I could remember the day I married Tessa as if it were yesterday. She’d looked so beautiful, like an angel. And I’d been so proud to become her husband. To promise my life and my heart to her.
My entire life, not ten fucking years.
Asher nudged me, and I realized the ceremony was over. I’d missed my cue to walk with Wren’s friend Sydney back down the aisle. An uneasy silence came from the guests as I forced myself to smile and headed toward Sydney, offering my arm as if there weren’t a huge fucking hole in my heart.
“You look handsome,” Sydney said, smiling at me.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, not entirely sure what else to say. I was barely holding on, while the other guests were smiling and celebrating.
Because life moved on. Everyone else grieved for their friend, but then they went back to living. And I felt very much alone in my loss.
Liam was the only one who came close. Of all our friends, he’d been closest to Tessa. And since her death, he’d been there for me. He listened. But he didn’t know what it was like to lose the love of your life.
Sydney and I joined the others for photos, everyone pressing in close. While the rest of the group smiled and laughed, I tucked my hair behind my ear. It was long, longer than I’d ever had it before. Tessa probably would’ve hated it, but I couldn’t bring myself to get it cut.
“Here,” Asher said, handing me his flask as we waited our turn for photos.
“Thank you.” I gulped some down, grateful when he made small talk with Sydney so I didn’t have to.
I took another swig and returned it to him before joining the wedding party for photos. I wasn’t sure I could smile and hold it together much longer, but Bennett was one of my best friends and I wanted to show my support. When no one was looking, Asher passed me his flask again.
“Are you trying to get me drunk so you can have your way with me?” I joked, the whiskey warming my throat as the photographer gave us instructions.
Asher took a sip and then pocketed the flask. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
