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With Rex’s excitement barely contained, I said, “Rex, stay,” in a commanding tone.
His tail thumped the floor, and I knew he might bolt at any minute. Somehow, I just needed to get a towel from the bathroom and then grab that ball of quills. All without Rex going batshit crazy.
“Now, Rex,” I said. “I need you to stay right there. I’m going to grab a towel, and then I promise to give you a treat.”
I could’ve sworn he licked his lips. I took a few steps to the bathroom, grabbed a towel, and then crouched down to scoop up Hedgie. The moment I stood, Rex was at my side, jumping at me as Hedgie twitched in the towel.
God, I did not want to be poked.Please, no poking.
“Down, boy. Down,” I said to Rex, while holding the hedgehog above me. “Savannah!” I called downstairs.
“Yes, Daddy?”
“I found Hedgie. Can you please come get her from me, and I’ll put Rex outside?”
She ran up the stairs. “Oh, I’m so glad you’re okay.” She cradled Hedgie to her chest in the towel, mindful of the hedgehog’s quills. She was so gentle and nurturing. “I won’t let that happen again.”
It was in moments like this that I remembered why I’d let her have a hedgehog for Christmas. And for a second, she looked so much like Tessa when we were younger, I felt as if I’d traveled back in time. I wasn’t a thirty-four-year-old widower and single dad, but a boy with his best friend. A boy who had no idea of the joy and sorrow that would lie ahead of him.
I shook my head and blinked a few times. What a morning.
Once Rex was outside and Hedgie safely returned to her crate, the kids went to get dressed, and I made myself a cup of coffee.
“Dad,” Savannah called. “Have you seen my pink dress?”
I squeezed my eyes shut briefly.Shit.
I was supposed to do laundry last night, but I’d been too exhausted to care. We were all adjusting to being back in school after winter break. And between the kids and work and dealing with all the legal crap from Tessa’s death, I was overwhelmed. Then, on top of it all, my company’s biggest potential investor in the Series A funding round had fallen through.
I just didn’t have the desire or energy to give a fuck about anything. But soon, I wouldn’t have much of a choice. If I didn’t find an investor, Lockwood Industries would fail. All my employees would be out of a job, and they were counting on me.
“Dad?” Savannah called, reminding me that she’d asked a question.
“I think it’s in the laundry basket,” I said.
I heard her sigh of disappointment from down the hall. “Okay.”
“I’ll wash it tonight,” I said. “Promise.”
“You said that yesterday.”
I dropped my elbows to the counter and cradled my head in my hands. I’d let Savannah down. I’d promised something, and I hadn’t followed through on it. I hated that feeling, and it had been happening more and more lately. And if I couldn’t secure another investor, I’d be letting even more people down.
I let out a deep sigh and straightened. As difficult as work could be, I’d never understood the true meaning of failure until I’d become a parent.
I’d graduated from Stanford with honors, no problem. Started my own company. Sold that company, took a gamble, and started another. And yet, being a dad—especially a solo parent—was the most demanding job I’d ever held.
I went upstairs and pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt. Tessa’s clothes still hung in the closet. Her toothbrush still on the counter. I’d only removed her shoes from by the door because Rex kept chewing on them. Otherwise, it was as if Tessa might walk in the door any moment and announce she was home. Foolishly, I held out hope that she would.
Even though the doctors had told me she was in a permanent vegetative state and would never recover. Even though I’d kissed her lifeless lips and held her limp hand as they ended life support. Even though I’d attended the funeral along with everyone else, it was still difficult to convince myself she would never come back.
I gripped the doorframe to the closet, taking a few breaths to steady myself. I was still grappling with the fact that I’d made the call to terminate life support. Those had been Tessa’s wishes—both written and expressed to me. But her mother had fought me on it all the same.
“You guys ready?” I asked from the hall.
Maddox nodded but said nothing, and I wondered if this morning’s incident had scarred him for life. I worried that pretty much everything I did would scar him for life. Him and Savannah.
Ever since Tessa’s death, there’d been a noticeable shift. My once cheerful children had become withdrawn. Maddox rarely allowed anyone to hold him, and Savannah often agonized over the smallest things. I hoped it would get better with time—and counseling—but I hated feeling so powerless.
