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“I know you do.” His voice is so calm and pragmatic, not a single ounce of doubt plaited into his words.
“I’m scared that it’s not enough. Loving her and proving to her that I do, I’m scared that it’ll never be enough.”That I’m not enough,I think to myself.
“Then she doesn’t deserve you,” he says with sureness. “But I have a feeling it’s enough. You just have to give her what she wants.”
Charles extends his legs and leans back into the chair, the sun finally warming the air, allowing us to bask in its glow. Stifling a yawn, he adds his two cents. “You know, sometimes, women need a big gesture. Something that tells the world that you love them. That they belong to you.”
I look at him, amused and curious. “What do you mean?”
“When I was first dating Amelia, she rejected me. Over and over again. It wasn’t fun but… Man, she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Always shy and humble, never fully aware of how beautiful she is. I knew I had to have her. I finally got her to go on a date with me, and I knew I couldn’t mess it up. So I did the one thing I thought I knew how to do. I tried to impress her. I took my dad’s BMW. I didn’t even ask him cause I knew he would say no. I picked her up and took her out to this local hangout that a bunch of us jocks went to every weekend. I acted all cocky. As if she cared that I was popular. I felt like a complete phony, but I wanted to impress her.”
I smirk. He sits up to tell the rest of his story.
“She saw right through me. She called me out and told me to get real. And I did. I dropped the act and apologized for acting like a complete douche. But I couldn’t just let it go without a big gesture. I had to let her know that I was being real with her. So, during one of our football games, I did just that. I ran to her in the stands right before halftime and handed her a bouquet of flowers in front of the whole school. I wanted everyone to know that she was mine. That was when I finally won her over.”
A smile finally creeps onto my face, resulting in a burst of light laughter. Picturing Charles in his glory days, trying to woo the pretty, timid girl in school is a sight that I wish I could’ve seen in person.
“So a big gesture, huh?” I ask.
“Something that tells the world you love this girl. She needs to know that you’re in it for the long run.”
I consider his advice. It’s good advice, but I don’t know if it’s feasible. In this day and age, there’s no big stadium to shout to the whole student body that you love someone. But there are other options.
FORTY-SEVEN
RHYLAN
My knuckles rap lightly on Shana’s office door. Through the glass, I can see her turned towards the expansive view that comes with working on the thirty-sixth floor in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. She turns her head over her shoulder and smiles too kindly at me, waving her hand to welcome me in.
“Hey, Rhy,” she says softly. Ever since she visited me in the hospital, her demeanor towards me has changed. While she usually presents herself with a no-nonsense attitude, much like Levi, she’s gone soft.
“Hey, Shana.” I walk the three steps it takes to settle into one of the two bright purple chairs facing her glass desk. Everything in her office is glass, even the vase carrying a large arrangement of white lilies, making her workspace too fragile and clean.
I’m in her office today, one day ahead of the charity event I am to attend, to talk over logistics. So I know where I’m supposed to go, who I’m supposed to meet, etcetera. I signed up for this charity event months ago when the children’s hospital reached out to Shana, knowing my appeal towards vintage cars. While Shana usually emails me the necessary details for past events that I’ve attended, she’s been calling me to her office for such occasions. Most likely her way of doing a welfare check. To make sure I’m still in one piece after seeing me almost fall apart.
I’m glad that she wants to see me in person though, because there’s something that I want to talk to her about as well.
My right foot taps against the lush carpet, making my knee bounce like there’s a spring under my heel.
“So,” she remarks. “The event is going to be at Irwindale Speedway.” Her eyes move to scan her computer screen, the pad of her middle finger gliding across the wheel on her mouse. “I’m going to email you the address and time. You’re bringing your car, right?”
I nod. “I’m getting it detailed right after this.”
“Good,” she almost whispers as her focus remains on her monitor. “Sorry, I can’t seem to find the email Krista sent me.”
I wait patiently as she continues to search.
“But it’s going to be a meet and greet with some kids that are in remission and have completed one or more rounds of chemo. And then you’re going to drive through the racetrack for a couple of photo ops.”
I clear my throat, but Shana’s focus remains on the screen in front of her, her brows now furrowed with irritation.
“Let me call Krista into my office,” she explains, referring to her assistant. “I think she can help me find the email.”
“Actually, Shana,” I interrupt as she picks up the receiver of her phone. “I wanted to talk to you about something. Before you get too busy.”Or I chicken out.
I’m nervous. I don’t know if it’s because I’m worried Shana will tell me that I’ve lost my mind or if it’s because what I’m about to tell her feels out of character. Either way, I feel jittery. As if everything I feel about Ellie and our relationship has culminated to this exact moment and our future is at stake.
It’s then that Shana finally looks at me as she gently places the receiver back in its cradle. My eyes don’t meet hers right away. Instead, they scan her cluttered desktop, finally landing on a small paperweight in the shape of a glass dolphin. I’m stalling so I can gather the courage to tell her my plan.
