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The warmth of her voice wraps around me like a blanket comforting and protecting in equal measures.
“Hi, Mum.”
“It’s good to hear your voice. I’m at Faith’s now helping her with the baby. Seb, stop. Mummy can’t do that while she’s holding the baby. Come here, and Nanna will do it for you. Wait, love, I’ll put you on speaker. Say hello to Aunty Eden.”
She doesn’t question my safety, so it makes it easy to account for my well-being. I love hearing her interact with her grandchildren and look forward to the day she’ll have a special relationship with my baby.
“Seb.” I focus on my nephew. “Aunty Eden misses you. Do you want me to bring home a surprise?”
“Tell Eden you miss her. He’s showing you his dinosaur figurine. Darling, Eden can’t see it. Growl, growl, roarrr. Yes, that’s right, darling. Oh, now we have a lion toy.”
“Hi, Eden,” Faith calls out from the background. “Welcome to my madhouse.”
“How are you, Faith? And baby James?”
“I’m good. Busy coping with a two-year-old and a two-month-old. Wait, no he’s ten weeks now.”
I never knew why mothers counted in weeks.
“Great. Well, I just wanted to check in. Everything is wonderful here. I thought I’d call while I have internet. Sometimes it’s hard, and the weather has changed, so it just rains nonstop.” I hold my tongue, not wanting them to panic about any little thing. “It’s annoying, that’s all. Makes for a boring day sitting in the hut. I’ll check in soon, okay? Oh, and I had a scan…”
“Is everything okay?” Mum asks quickly.
“Of course. But I wanted to let you all know I’m having a little girl, and everything is fine.” I’m amazed by my acting skills and how together I sound.
“Oh, Eden, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you. When are you coming home?” Mum asks.
“I’m not sure, Mum. In a month or less. I’m working out Christmas festivities with Samuel now. I love you. I’ll talk soon, okay.”
“Stay safe, Edes,” Faith says quickly.
“Bye.” I end the call and take a deep, healing breath. The hardest call is to Dad, and I’m waiting for tomorrow to speak to him. Beyond the door, I hear the murmur of Samuel’s voice. He’s still on the phone. So I stay in the bathroom to give him the privacy he needs and scroll through the few photos on my phone. There are some of the jungle and others on the curiara with Asoo and Samuel. I send them to Amy, then to Faith with a text asking her to show them to Mum and Dad.
I open up Instagram. Scroll. Close it. Facebook. Scroll. I feel out of touch with everything I’m reading. An unsettling sensation creeps over my skin as though I’m lost in another dimension, and the world keeps spinning without me. I open up the Netflix app. Damn, there are so many shows I haven’t seen. If I were home, I wouldn’t have missed them. Did I watch half the shows so I felt like part of the mob and excited?
Everything I did then seems insignificant when compared to my life here.
The room next door is silent. I open the door enough to see out a gap. Samuel is lying on his back with his arm over his eyes.
“Are you okay?” I ask in a gentle voice.
“Y-Yeah.” His voice cracks, and his arm remains over his face.
I slide onto the bed next to him. “Were they glad to hear your voice?”
“They want to meet you.”
I smile even though he can’t see it and remain quiet, hoping he’ll say more.
“They want to know when I’m coming home. The conversation started well until they berated me for not having a career and a home for you and the baby. They questioned my sanity as to why I’m here and putting you in danger. It made sense, and yet it opened up a gaping hole of emptiness at the thought of going home to live the same life as them. Always living to their standards and never being enough.”
“You’re enough. You’re an amazing man, and I’m proud of what you’re doing. Your work makes a difference to many lives.” Holding my stomach, I roll onto my side so I can look at him, touch him. I rest my hand over his heart. “I know how big your heart is for all of us.”
We haven’t resolved some issues, and yet he took some steps in reassessing what he needs in his life. I know it’s my baby and me. And it might not be his home in LA, which is fine by me. I’d like to think he was on good terms with his parents so they would want to come and visit us. I’m yet to find out what really pushed him to come to the jungle, and I know it had something to do with his parents and a girl while he was at college.
But this is enough for one day. I’m exhausted, and we both need to call it a night.
* * *
