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She stopped at the tables on the street at her favourite café. Logan pulled out a chair for her. The waiter gave her a wave. ‘Usual?’
She nodded. Logan caught his eye ‘Make it two.’
Little parts of her were starting to unravel, even at those innocuous words. Logan knew that her usual would be coffee with steamed milk and a heated croissant with raspberry jam. He knew her that well and was happy to eat the same as her.
It was almost as if he were chipping away at the barriers she’d erected around herself all those years ago. The ones that had protected her. Stopped her from getting too close to anyone else and kept her safe from being hurt.
Logan folded his arms across his chest. He was sitting directly opposite her, his eyes watching her carefully.
He waited until the coffee appeared on the table and the waft of buttery croissants filled the air around them.
‘It’s been too long, Lucia,’ he said quietly. ‘I never wanted you to leave, but I understood you needed time and space.’ He picked up his spoon and stirred his coffee. ‘But it was never my intention to leave things this long.’
He had no idea what those few words could do to her.
The rest of Venice seemed completely at ease. People were laughing and strolling in the early Sunday morning light. Shopkeepers were just starting to roll up their shutters and open their doors. A street vendor wandered past, clutching buckets filled with beautiful flowers. The assorted scents started to mix with that of the breakfast croissants. It could be a beautiful day. So why did it feel like the worst?
Logan hadn’t finished talking. ‘I always hoped things would be different. I thought you would be married. I thought you would be a mother.’
He paused. ‘I always hoped you would be.’
She felt tears spring to her eyes. It was almost as if he were twisting the knife that was currently piercing her heart. She knew that wasn’t his intention. She knew he was trying his best to move things forward.
But Lucia had never moved forward. She could remember everything about Ariella Rose as if it had just happened yesterday. She could remember the sudden unexpected pain, the cramps, the awkward delivery. She could remember the tiny fragile bundle. Ariella had been so small she could fit in one hand, wrapped in a pink blanket made by Nonna.
The almost transparent skin. The tiny little blue veins underneath. She could remember how she’d had to gently ease up a tiny eyelid in order to see her baby’s eyes. Eyes that would never see the world.
Lungs that would never fill with air.
She could remember all her hopes and dreams for the future evaporate with the silence in the air. The heavy, ominous silence of nothing.
Her horror had been so complete she’d only been able to shed a few tears. Tears of shock. It had been as if every emotion in her body had switched off. Gone into complete self-protection mode.
Now Logan was trying to open her all up to this again.
‘Maybe I decided that wasn’t what I wanted.’ The words came out tight, almost angry, and Logan eyebrows arched slowly.
‘You were made to be a mother, Lucia.’ He held her gaze as she tried to swallow. ‘You would be the finest mother in the world.’
She was frozen. Couldn’t breathe. Her mouth had never felt so dry, but the aroma of coffee was acrid to her now. The croissant mocked her.
Some modern career women would find his words insulting. But she didn’t. Logan knew her better than anyone. He knew how much she’d relished being pregnant. He knew how much she’d planned for their daughter—they both had.
Although she was passionate about her career, she’d longed to raise their daughter.
She lifted her coffee cup with trembling hands. ‘Things change.’
He shook his head and reached across the table towards her.
But she didn’t want him to touch her. She couldn’t take the feel of his skin on hers right now.
He leaned his elbows on the table and just kept talking. ‘I’ve dreamt of being a father too. But it’s never happened. It wasn’t meant to happen—not with anyone but you.’
He said the words so easily. As if he’d contemplated them for a long time and had come to accept that this was his lot in life.
‘I’ve met some wonderful women, but none that I wanted to marry, none that I wanted to raise children with. I only ever wanted to do that with you.’
She could feel the anger build in her chest. ‘But we never planned Ariella Rose. You make it sound as if we had our future all written out.’ She spat the words at him.
