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He kept Zora prisoner and forced her to submit to what would probably be considered torture.
All very, very bad things, and yet… I’m not afraid of him.
I like him.
And he makes me feel safe, for the first time in my existence. Outside of him almost throwing me in the Crimson River that one occasion, he’s shown me kindnesses that don’t mesh with how the ruler of Hell should behave. He made my cell comfortable, stopped Rhynda from beating me, and in bed, he’s an attentive lover who is as interested in my pleasure as his own.
Let’s face it… Amell could have raped me if he wanted. He could let every Dark Fae have their way with me.
It’s the fucking Underworld.
But he’s been protective.
Most of all—and the thing that’s probably endeared him to me, even though it came at great discomfort—was his insistence to hear a personal truth. He could have taken carnal pleasure in exchange for Will’s release, but he instead negotiated that I reveal myself to him.
He wants to know me, and simply put… it’s touching.
Honestly, I felt sick revealing to him some of the vile things I did outside of murdering Vince in cold blood. I’ve sold my body more times than I can count. I bought drugs with the money. Sometimes, I just paid for a hotel room to have a warm place to stay for a night and a shower. If I was lucky, I had enough for food, but that was a luxury. The drugs were to numb me to the harsh nights sleeping on the streets and the even nastier things that happened to me because I couldn’t protect myself.
All of it is an immense embarrassment. I was not a good person in my mortal life.
But I’m in a place that doesn’t hold angels in high esteem. Good people are in another place. Hell was built for people like me.
The Crimson River was specifically designed to punish people like me.
It’s what I deserve, but it’s not what I want anymore. Unfortunately, I want Amell.
It’s a pipe dream, for sure. I have his attention for now, but nothing good ever lasts. Whether it was a numbing hit of heroin or a warm bed for the night, it always ended.
Nothing endures for me.
“You know how I can tell you’re awake?” Amell asks, his voice lazy with a hint of amusement.
Busted.
“How?” I whisper, feeling his arm tighten around my stomach.
“Because you actually relax when you sleep. But when you’re awake, your body tenses, as if waiting for something bad to happen. It’s subtle, but I can feel it.”
Amell is spooning me, and I restrain myself from burrowing backward into him.
“What has you all up in your head this morning?” he asks.
“I am wondering when something bad will happen.”
Amell pushes me to my back, moving his big body over mine. I itch to stroke the feathers on his arches that halo his head. “Were you always this negative when you were alive?”
“I was pragmatic.”
“Hmm,” he murmurs, his blue eyes sparkling like cut gems. “I’m surprised you didn’t jump right out of bed and insist we go free your friend.”
“It was first thing on my mind, but truth be told… it’s nice lying here with you.”
The rumble from Amell’s chest sounds like laughter. “The little human is growing fond of her captor.”
“Not in the slightest,” I retort.
Amell laughs again and slides a hand down my thigh. “Little liar. Want me to make you show me how fond you are?”
