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I noticed everything about Becky. Her neck was slim and pale. I studied the lines of her jaw, the height of her cheekbones. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled.
I tore my gaze away, trying to focus on the television, but my stare always managed to return to her. Loose blonde tendrils softened her face, making her look almost childlike. Her facial structure was delicately carved, her mouth full, temptingly curved into a smile. Her lips sexy.
I scratched at my brow, feeling like a pervert now as I wondered how she tasted, how those sweet lips—
Shit.Shit.I had to snap out of it.
I coughed. And coughed again as I shifted to stand. “I’m going to get some water. Anybody want anything?”
“No, thanks, Daddy,” Sarah said.
Becky’s green eyes met mine as she smiled. A smile I could easily become addicted to. “We’re out of popcorn. I can pop some and get the drinks.”
It took a moment for me to breathe and turn in the other direction.
My lips tipped up into a forced smile, so forced that it felt unnatural. “It’s fine. I’ll do it.”
My feet padded through the plush carpet of our family room to the kitchen, and I rested my arms against the kitchen island as I stared out the window to our backyard—the inground swimming pool, the girls’ tree house.
There was no doubt I was attracted to Becky. Problem was, I wasn’t only attracted to her beauty. I also loved seeing how she was with the kids. It reminded me so much of Nat’s natural, caring aura. That was dangerous because being attracted to her was one thing, but wanting more from her was another, and little by little, I was starting to want what I’d had with Natalie but with someone else—someone who wasn’t Nat.
Guilt settled in my gut. It was not the same guilt that I felt with Vivian, as though she was a dark little secret that I was ashamed of.
No, this … this felt different. As though it was some sort of guilt that I needed to confess, not just a dirty feeling. This felt like I was breaking the ultimate rule—wanting to share a piece of my life with someone else.
I let my head hang, breathing slowly through my nose and out of my mouth. “This is crazy,” I uttered the words that were screaming in my head.
There was only one way to settle this. It was the only way I ever settled things when it felt like life was a little out of control.
I had to talk to Nat.
And to do that, I had to visit her.
Chapter 14
Charles
I’d been here every month since my Nat passed, sitting cross-legged on the grass, staring at her headstone and wishing and dreaming this weren’t my reality. But it was.
Natalie Mary Brisken. Beloved mother, wife, and friend.
Best friend.
Because that was what she was to me—my best friend. We’d been best friends first throughout high school. She’d been my confidant in all things. I’d known I wanted to be with her forever the moment her asshole of a boyfriend had broken her heart because I wanted to be the guy to put it back together and make sure it never happened again.
And that was how our love story had begun.
But this wasn’t how I wanted our love story to end—my life without you in it.
My fingers brushed against her headstone, and my heart seized. I’d pictured us growing old together, watching our kids grow up and then eventually our grandkids.
When she had been pregnant with Mary, our life was complete. We’d had Sarah already, and another child would only add to our bubble of happiness. I was at the top of my game, newly transitioned into CEO as my father was stepping down. Everything was perfect.
Until what was supposed to be another joyous time in our life had turned into tragedy.
I breathed through my next words. “I know you know what’s happening before I even say it.” It was hard to put into words what I was feeling in my heart—or more so, what was going on in my head. So, I diverted to easier topics, to what I could easily talk about.
“So, Sarah is doing well. She started reading this fantasy author. Mason did research, and he doesn’t think it’s age appropriate. I agreed with him on that one.” I laughed because everyone needed a Mason in their family. He was the book, food, and television police. “It’s young adult, but there is … yeah … I haven’t had the sex talk with her yet. I was hoping that you could do it for me when the time came to it …” My voice softened, and my chest tightened again.
