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“I tried—God knows I did—with you. Showing you what life could really be like if you let go, let yourself be happy for once, do the things you wanted to do.”
Her tears fell harder, but she took it and didn’t say a word, like she was fucking Mother Teresa, bearing her cross.
I couldn’t take it. I wanted to shake her, wake her up. But she wasn’t going to listen, and I deflated with the realization.
“You know what? You’re right,” I said, conceding. For a moment, it was difficult to breathe, and ice filled my veins. Warmth formed behind my eyes. Shit, I was one second from losing it, and I refused to let her see me cry, not now. “You want time apart?” A heaviness spread from my chest to the rest of my body. “Done.”
I turned to walk toward my bedroom but stopped mid-step. “You know, you’re never going to be happy, living for other people. And that’s just not how I want to live. But this is your life, so good luck with that.”
I walked straight into my bedroom, shut the door, and slid to the floor, my head heavy in my hands, letting the warmth behind my eyes finally spill over.
Did I feel vindicated that I’d had the last word? Especially since she’d torn my heart from my chest and stuck a stake in it?
No.
I felt like shit. Especially since I was pretty sure I’d lost her for good.
CHAPTER40
AUSTIN
It was mid-morning,and time could not go any slower. I needed out of here and on my flight to get on with my life. I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling like shit. I wanted to call her, but after earlier, I knew she wouldn’t be changing her mind.
Maybe I could get butt-ass drunk to dull this ache in the middle of my chest, but what good would that do? I’d only feel like crap tomorrow, and after I landed, I’d head directly to the gym to meet Dr. Carringtime. Given how much we were paying him, there was no doubt he’d make me get straight to work.
I paced the room and stopped in front of my floor-to-ceiling windows. At this height, it felt as though I were on top of the world. I’d been there—high on life—for most of my life anyway. There wasn’t anything I wanted that I couldn’t get.
Until now.
It fucking stung that she hadn’t picked me. If situations were reversed, I knew I’d pick her. Maybe she didn’t really love me.
I shoved that thought away, not willing to go down that dark path today. When the doorbell rang, a spark of hope surged through me. Shit, maybe she had come back.
I ran, almost slipping in my socks, and pulled open the door. But Brandy stepped in, her Louis Vuitton slung over her shoulder.
“What happened?” Her eyebrows flew to her hairline.
I groaned. “Nothing.” I stalked back to my couch and dropped my butt onto the seat.
“Oh, really? Then, why did you call me to ask me if I wanted Sydney’s ticket?”
I shouldn’t have called Brandy, but she had originally wanted to go with me, and right now, company sounded good.
“Did something happen between you two?”
I rubbed at my brow. “Yep. Alec happened.”
“Well, shit.” She dropped on the couch next to me. “It’s fine. It’ll blow over.”
“No, it won’t,” I growled out in self-pity. “’Cause all that matters is how Alec is feeling, his happiness. She’s too scared to take a chance on us because it’ll upset him.” My hands wrung in my lap. “And what if he’s in a bad mood and he treats her like shit, and I stick up for her and he takes it out on me? Guess whose side she’s going to be on. I don’t want to live like that, walking on eggshells. Fuck that.”
She placed a hand on my knee. “I’m sorry.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I’d normally say it’s not your fault, but, yeah, this is kinda your fault.” Man, was I a bitter son of a bitch.
When her facial features fell, I sighed. “I didn’t mean that. Not really. Sydney still had a choice.” I bumped my shoulder against hers. “I don’t blame you.”
She sighed and turned to face me, her knees pointed toward mine. “Have you ever thought of talking to Alec yourself? Making him see your side of things?”
