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I didn’t even know what that meant. Enough compared to what?
“I think you are at a crossroads here.” Her gaze was steady, curious even.
“What is that supposed to even mean?”
“You have to decide if she is enough for you to stay.”
I stared at her as though she were speaking a foreign language.
“Big bro, what’s missing this flight going to do? So what if your rehab is delayed? You’re just missing the boat with that specific doctor, but who the hell cares?” Her eyes were firmly set, never wavering from mine. “In the end, when you look back at this moment years from now, are you going to think,Damn, I’m glad I got on that plane, or are you going to regret never getting on it?”
Only then did clarity hit me like I’d gotten smacked with a ton of bricks in the face.
CHAPTER42
SYDNEY
My blood boiledwithin my veins as I swerved into the parking lot of The Meetup. Everyone was here today, and I needed to get all of my pent-up emotions off of my chest. I couldn’t stop picturing all the times I’d picked Alec up from football practice, cleaned up his vomit when he was sick, driven his butt everywhere before he had his license, or halting my life to help plan his wedding. I was so agitated that my skin prickled like I had a bad rash.
I slammed the door and stomped in to see everyone seated at our regular spot—Alec, Addison, Brooke, Lyria, and Ryanne. Serena wasn’t here yet, but I was sure she’d be here in a hot minute. She’d left right after me. Once Brooke had texted to tell us that Alec was at The Meetup, I had been in my car, going seventy in a fifty-five.
I stomped straight past Nana, whose mouth dropped open, and all the way to the back, where Alec sat.
I’d have to give her a hug and kiss later. I needed to get everything off my chest now, before my anger got the better of me and I broke something.
I stood at the edge of the table where Alec sat with my siblings. Facing him directly, I planted my palms facedown on the wood. “We need to talk.”
He tipped back his beer as though he hadn’t even heard me. “I already told you, I have nothing to say to you. Plus, anything you have to say, I’ve heard nonstop from these people.” He motioned to my sisters.
I appreciated they had been trying to plead my case, but there was no case to plead. I’d decided in the car ride over here that I was the judge and the jury and the executioner.
“I don’t care,” I snapped. “You are going to listen to whatever I have to say.”
I stood taller, forcing my shoulders back, my chest out. “You are going to sit there and listen until I am done talking, and this might take a while.” All my muscles tensed. “You are a spoiled brat.”
Brooke giggled, but I ignored her.
“And maybe that is partly my fault because I basically raised you and babied you forever.”
I took a breath and pushed forward, needing to get this out. This time, when I looked at him, the hurt leaked out. “Don’t you appreciate anything I’ve ever done for you? Do you even care, or do you believe you’re entitled to think that I need to drop my life to cater to yours?”
He at least had the decency to look like I was affecting him. “I do appreciate you, and I don’t think that I—”
“I’m not done.” I pointed a finger at him to shut him up. “I love you, Alec. Because you are my brother and a good person, but you are so selfish. Do you not care about my happiness?” My words got choked in my throat. I was so angry and full of emotion that I knew I was about to cry. “All I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Don’t you want the same for me?” I placed both hands on my chest as tears coursed down my face.
“How could you do that? Give me an ultimatum? I would never do that to you.” I swiped at my cheeks, breaking down. “I love him. And you want me to choose between two men in my life that I love so dearly. Do you even know how wrong that is? How much emotional turmoil that has put me in?”
He cowered into himself, his shoulders caving in. I couldn’t read his reaction clearly through my blurry vision.
More tears fell down my cheeks, and there was no doubt that the mascara that I’d put on this morning was trailing down my face. “Do you know”—I sniffled—“for the first time in a long time, I was looking forward to something? I had something that was mine after all those years of taking care of you guys and making sure you were okay. For once, I wasn’t a third wheel. For once, I had someone who wanted what was best forme.”
I missed Austin. Talking about him made my heart clench.
“Do you know, in our relationship, I was the selfish one? He was always about me, taking me places, making sure I was fed, that I was okay, and for once … it felt nice to feel that loved.”
Alec visibly swallowed, and his arms fell heavy to his sides.
I was crying so hard that I was hiccuping. “I forgot … I forgot what it was like before Mom died. Because I’ve been living this life for so long, and finally, someone came into my world who made me see that life was worth living for myself. Finally, I was happy—happy because I had my own things, my own time to do what I wanted, my own schedule to be with the person I wanted to spend my time with, and you … you had to make me choose. And now …” I hugged my middle as everything around me slowed to a halt. “And now, it’s too late because I chose you.”
