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Welcome to my life – buckle up, because it's a total shitshow.
Chapter Thirty-One
Aaron
We're sitting across from each other in the restaurant, a strained silence between us. Our meal was eaten mostly in silence. What conversation we did have was nothing more than awkward, surface-level, and superficial. Having been so close with her, the step backward doesn’t feel good. Frankly, it sucks. I want nothing more than to reach out and take her hand and hold her. But I don’t. I can’t. Not right now.
It's been a few days since we learned that Emily's pregnant. I took a little time away from the office and encouraged her to do the same. As a result, we haven't spent a lot of time together – both of us needing some time to absorb and process the news.
Neither of us had planned for this. We were enjoying getting to know each other all over again. A pregnancy was probably the furthest thing from our minds. She's as stunned and scared as I am – although we're both doing our best to put up a brave face.
“You okay?” I break the silence.
She nods. “Yeah, fine,” she replies. “I'm fine.”
I take a sip of my iced tea and sit back in my seat. I have no idea what to say, or even where to begin. Emily and I have grown close, but we're definitely not anywhere close to ‘raising a family together’ close. Although things between us are going well – better than I hoped – I still have no idea where they’re going. I don’t think Emily does, either. That’s what this whole process of dating has been all about – to figure ourselves out and see if there is a path forward for us.
The fact that she’s pregnant throws a massive wrinkle into everything. It adds pressure and expectation we didn’t need at this young stage of figuring things out together.
There’s no question that we care about each other. The question is what this is going to do to us. How it’s going to impact that burgeoning relationship. And right now, I just don’t know. I have no clue whatsoever.
I guess that’s what we’re here to start trying to figure out.
“I had Olivia run the tests again, just to be sure,” she tells me.
I nod, not expecting to hear anything different than the conversation I overheard at my place the other day. I put my faith in medicine and science. It’s rational. Logical. Ordered. Unlike emotions, which are anything but.
It’s why I’ve been so successful in my life. I’m able to separate the emotion out of it. I’m able to effectively compartmentalize and focus on what really matters. I’ve always been pretty exceptional when it comes to cutting out the background noise and dealing with what’s in front of me.
This, though – this is throwing me for a loop. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t.
“They’re conclusive,” Emily continues, her voice thick with emotion. “I’m pregnant.”
“I figured.”
The good thing about being disciplined and logical, and of course, anticipating the worst-case scenario, is that when it comes to pass, you’re not blindsided by it. Being able to remain dispassionate and logical about it, rather than succumbing to your emotions, is the key to figuring out how to handle situations as they arise.
I look up and find Emily smirking at me. It’s a knowing smirk, as if she can see through me and knows what I’m thinking. Hell, maybe she does.
“What?” I question her.
“I can see the wheels in your head turning,” she replies. “I know you’re trying to think your way through this.”
I chuckle softly. “Keeping a clear head and thinking through it all is probably in both of our best interests, Emily.”
“I don’t disagree. But you can’t always factor the emotion out of the equation,” she says. “Sometimes, you get so caught up in that big brain of yours that you overthink things. Trust me, I know.”
“I know you do,” I tell her.
Emily seems eerily composed. Her tears have dried up, and she has an air of complete calm – even detachment – that surprises me. I mean, we’re a lot alike in many ways. I know she can handle herself better than most people in stressful situations. It’s one of the things I respect most about her.
This, though – even I’m having trouble keeping the emotion out of it all, and yet she’s as cool as the proverbial cucumber.
“Listen, I’ve been thinking about it pretty hard the past few days,” she begins. “It’s pretty much the only thing I’ve been able to think about.”
“That makes two of us.”
She sips from her glass of water and takes a minute to organize her thoughts. And when she looks up, I see a look of earnest determination in her eyes. It’s as if she’s come to some sort of a decision. Or at least, settled some debate in her head. Knowing her as I do, I have a feeling what the next words out of her mouth are going to be – and when she speaks, I’m not surprised.
