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“Fine. But please, stay at the hotel, even if it’s only for tonight, or until you can sort something out?” I plan on leaving, yes, but not permanently. I will be waiting for her at the hotel when she returns from work. She won’t be happy, but it is happening.
“I will stay one more night,” she whispers.
I nod, kissing her softly. I take her hand in mine, squeezing it. “Call or text me if you need anything. And I mean anything.” I don’t want her to believe she is alone.
I hesitantly walk away from her, and hate every single second of it, but it is what Alana needs, and I will respect that for now.
I will just tell Bella I have an early start tomorrow, so there is no point in her coming to stay at mine tonight, that way after dinner I can head to the hotel to wait for Alana to arrive. I have no idea when she will finish, but I don’t mind waiting. I hope she shows up so I can talk some sense into her.
I climb into my car. “Fuck!” I shout, punching the steering wheel out of frustration. I wish she would stop being so damn stubborn!
I pull myself together before driving off. I need something to distract me. Maybe going to the gym will help. It’s a better option than drinking scotch. I will make sure to have my cell close in case Alana needs me.
I detest the idea of her sitting alone in her apartment. Maybe I shouldn’t have given in so easily and left, but I can’t go back now, it would probably only infuriate her more. I need to keep my distance, just until tonight at least.
I’ve beenat work for only an hour, and I am due to lose my shit! My day has been bad enough. I don’t need Colin and his shit! He has been on me since I walked in the damn door, and all because I was five minutes late, FIVE MINUTES! It is taking the last of my sanity not to tell him just how I really feel, because the last thing I need is to lose my job. I need any cash I can get right now. Thankfully my school fees are paid for with funding and the money I had saved over the years. It is the only thing going okay in my life at the moment.
“Work fucking quicker, Alana!” Colin snaps as I enter the kitchen with an empty tray of appetizers. “Everyone else is clearing three trays in the time it takes you to clear one. I don’t pay you to be slow,” he adds, glaring at me.
“No! Here is an idea for you, back the fuck off, uh? Have some damn respect. We aren’t your slaves, we are your employees, and without us, you would be screwed! I am working as quickly as I can. I don’t need your shit, not tonight, because I have enough drama going on,” I snap back. My breathing is heavy, my heart is pounding in my chest, and I have too many emotions at once to deal with his shit.
Colin is fuming, and I know what is going to come next. “Get the fuck out, Alana, you are fired,” he shouts.
“Happily, jackass,” I shout back.
I grab my things and walk out without another word. The second I step outside it hits me what I have just done! It was in the heat of the moment, but at the same time, I am done with assholes like him and people treating me like crap! I have no idea what the hell I am going to do for cash now, though!
I could cry, but I can’t. To be honest I don’t think I have any tears left since I have spent most of the day and night crying. I still have no idea where I am going to live because I can’t continue to stay at the hotel that Ezra is paying for, not after I sent him away. He did try calling a couple of times, but I rejected his calls. I plan on staying at the hotel tonight, and I will try to come up with something tomorrow. I am too exhausted to even think about anything tonight.
I stop at a grocery store. I need alcohol and junk food. I could get it from room service, but that means adding to the cost of what Ezra is already paying. I take my time walking around since I am in no rush. I toss chocolate, potato chips, and carrot sticks into my basket and make my way towards the liquor aisle to grab a bottle of vodka. It will help numb everything, even if it’s only for a few hours. I take one last walk around in case something else catches my eye, but there isn’t, so I head to the cash register to pay.
“Rough day?” The cashier asks, giving me a sympathetic look.
“Rough couple of weeks,” I reply, sighing heavily. She gives me a soft smile which I manage to return and pay for my stuff before heading out.
I plan on walking back to the hotel. It shouldn’t take long, and the fresh air is good for me. I keep my head down, jealous of everyone out and about who seem to be having a good time, like their lives are perfect. I only glance up when I nearly run into someone, a choice I soon regret. Right there, in the restaurant in my eye line, is Bella and Ezra, sharing a meal and a bottle of wine, looking cosy and laughing. And now, I feel it, a pang of jealousy right in the pit of my stomach seeing them together. He keeps telling me it is complicated, that what we are doing is ruining nothing because their relationship is already ruined. It doesn’t look that way to me. To anyone on the outside looking in they seem happy. Maybe I don’t have the right to be jealous because he isn’t mine. Perhaps the concept of a relationship is getting to me, not him.
I can feel the tears brim in my eyes but shake them off. I divert my attention from them and rush off. I get lost in my head, and in doing so, it makes me realize something. I have feelings for Ezra, not only sexual ones, and I hate myself for it. I like him a lot, and I probably shouldn’t because nothing is going to come from it. He won’t break up with Bella, and I will never find a place in his world.
I need to snap out of this shit! It has been an emotional week, and I am sure my feelings are due to everything, and because he has been there for me. Yes, that’s what it is! And I will continue to tell myself so until I believe it.
* * *
I’ve just got out of the shower, pulling one of Ezra’s tees over me that he left here, and not because I miss him or anything like that, but because it was the first thing I grabbed, and it is comfortable. I have all the main lights off, only keeping on a lamp. I like the darkness. I toss myself down on the bed, lifting the bottle of vodka from the bedside table. I crack it open, drinking it straight from the bottle. The first couple of drinks burn my throat, but after a while it doesn’t seem to bother me.
I get lost in my head. The sound of my phone ringing pulls me out of my thoughts. I glance at the screen to see Ezra calling. I hit the reject button. Why is he calling me while having a date night with Bella? I open a text to him.
Shouldn’t you be concentrating on your girlfriend? I am sure she wouldn’t be happy if she knew you were using your phone while having dinner with her at that fancy restaurant.
I am sure he won’t be happy when he reads it, but I don’t care because it is the truth. I put it on vibrate and turn my attention back to the vodka. I try to come up with ideas on what my next move is. A part of me wants to run away to another country, maybe Scotland or Italy, somewhere far away from here, but I still have classes. I don’t want to give up on them because my degree is the only thing that will help me make a better life for myself, and I have worked too damn hard to walk away from it. Maybe once I finish my course I can move away and start afresh. I will work it out eventually but making decisions while I am drinking probably isn’t the best idea.
I will make a list tomorrow with some plans, and hopefully, it will help. My phone starts to vibrate on the bed. Surprise, surprise it’s Ezra again, but I ignore it until it starts ringing again. I groan in frustration.
“What?” I snap.
“What the fuck was the text about? Were you trying to piss me off on purpose? Because if it was your goal, then you scored.”
I can’t tell by his voice if he is annoyed or angry, maybe he’s a little of both.
