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There was nothing more we could do.
The words play over and over again, like a bad song on repeat.
That's all I remember.
I don’t remember collapsing onto the cold tile floor.
I don’t remember the screams or the gut wrenching cries of my mother and I, my father failing to his knees in pain.
I don’t remember nurses and doctors swarming around us, trying to calm us down and keep us back.
I don’t remember rushing to his lifeless body laid on the stretcher, his face unrecognizable from scrapes and bruises and cuts from the windshield glass.
I don’t remember the police explaining his car accident and how he hit the side rail going fast and his car flipped over and down a hill a few times.
I don’t remember walking out of the hospital and climbing into Chloe’s bed.
I don’t remember howling in pain all night as Chloe wrapped her arms around me and rocked me against her, her own cries muffled by my own.
I don’t remember Asher and Tyler coming in to check on us a thousand times.
I don’t remember my parents calling me from the hospital to ask where I was, or them bringing me back to my apartment, where the three of us fell to the floor together in a heap of sobs and screams.
Those moments are told to me afterwards, the night completely blocked from my mind. As if it shut down and refused to acknowledge the events of the night.
He’s gone.
I’m sorry.
There was nothing more we could do.
He’s gone.
I’m sorry.
There was nothing more we could do.
He’s gone.
I’m sorry.
There was nothing more we could do.
That’s all I remember.
* * *
It’s as if time stopped.
Everything is a blur.
Numb. So numb.
Is this even real?
Wherever I am, I sit. Or find a bed to lay in.
And I don’t move.
