AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Because it’s time for me to demand some answers.
Why didn’t Asher just stop? Why didn’t he just listen to me? Why did he just brush me off? Maybe if we had fucking stopped the car we could have saved Mason. I had a feeling, a gut feeling telling me that something was wrong and that I should’ve gone back there but I listened to Asher because I trusted him.
And maybe if we had stopped, it might not have done anything. Maybe Mason would have been gone already. But there was still a chance. A chance we missed, period. A chance we should have taken.
Maybe my brother would still fucking be here. Maybe then my life wouldn’t be so fucking messed up. Maybe then my parents would smile again. Maybe my mom wouldn’t look so goddamn sad every day. Maybe my world wouldn’t look so fucking bleak anymore like I have no idea where I am or where I need to go.
When I turn into the motel parking lot, I see Ash’s truck, and I pull in beside it. I go to the front desk and ask which room Asher Russell is staying in and they tell me room five. Once I reach the door, I can hear the TV on in the background and I instantly grow more pissed. I want to fucking slam the door down. I want to punch and punch until my fist bleeds, and I feel nothing but pain. But instead I knock.
When I don’t hear a response, I knock again. Finally he yells hold on and I hear the door unlock.
Asher stands there in only pajama pants and no T-shirt. He’s eating ice cream out of the container and looks surprised to see me. “Hey Madison. I didn’t expect you to come at this time. It’s late. Everything okay?”
“No, of course everything is not okay.” I say as I walk past him and into the room. He closes the door behind me and turns to face me.
“What’s wrong?” He asks as he puts the ice cream down on the table and starts to walk over to me. I hold my hand up to keep him at a distance.
“Mads, what's going on?”
“Well, I got the autopsy and accident report today and I just finished reading them. I wanted to let you know what I found out.” I fold all my arms across my chest and glare at him.
“Okay, what did you find out?”
“Remember that night we were looking for him? And we saw smoke down the hill and I told you to stop?”
Asher nods, his movement a little hesitant.
“Turns out that fire that you said was a campfire? Yeah, that was Mason.” Tears threaten to spill down my cheeks, and my voice cracks with emotion.
“What do you mean that was Mason?’ Asher asks with a curious look on his face.
“At the bottom of the hill, where the smoke was coming from- that was Mason in his car. He was dying alone trapped, and we didn’t stop to save him because you said it was only acampfire.” My body is shaking now, and tears finally give away. But they aren’t just sad tears this time. Something inside me burns and makes me want to just scream and spew hatred.
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” Asher says, and it pisses me off even more.
“What don’t you understand, Asher? Mason crashed his car at the bottom of the hill and while he was stuck inside it he was dying alone.”
When the knowledge finally registers inside his head, it’s visible on his face. He looks completely crushed.
“Oh my God Madison. I am so sorry. I had no idea—”
I cut him off, not wanting to hear the rest. “I know you had no idea. Neither did I, which is why I wanted to stop. Because we could’ve just taken a few seconds to check and then maybe Mason would still be alive today. But no, we continued to drive on because you said it couldn’t possibly be him. And now look it was him. He was dying alone in that car. The report said he was possibly still alive for hours trapped inside there. What if we had made it to him? Would he still be alive right now?” My arms are flailing in the air and my voice raises to a scream. I’m losing it. I’m losing my shit but I can’t fucking stop it.
“Mason crashed because he was distracted from his argument with me, and from fighting with Sienna. How can I ever live with myself knowing that I caused his accident and that I had a chance to stop and save him and I didn’t, because I listened to you.”
“Madison, I am so so sorry.” Asher says before falling to his knees. The look of guilt on his face crushes me. I feel that same guilt and I know the weight of it every single day, carrying it around like a burden it is. Asher begins to cry. It’s the first time I’ve seen him cry since the funeral.
“I can’t believe that was him. I can’t believe that was him and we had a chance to save him. I’m so fucking stupid. What was I thinking? I just never thought it would be him in a car accident. I thought he was just fucking off somewhere. And now I made a split second decision that changed the rest of our lives.” Asher says with no breath in between.
I walk over to him, my anger quieted down by his sadness. I kneel down in front of him and see the pain on his face.
He looks me direct in the eyes as he cries harder. “We really could’ve saved him, Mads?”
His question breaks me, and I fucking lose it.Again.
And both of us just fall.
Into the darkness.
