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I let him because I can’t do this myself. I just can’t face it.
Even though I know I have to.
As soon as we’re on the road, I turn in on myself, pressing my forehead to the cold window and tucking my knees into my chest.
Without thought, I let it all tumble out. What are secrets anymore anyways? Worthless pieces of information, really. William should know anyway. I should have told him ages ago.
“Leo, my brother, died when he was six,” I say, staring blankly out at the rain. “I watched him go slowly. It was cancer. He was my best friend. He looked up to me, ya know? But I couldn’t save him. He just got sicker and sicker, until he was too weak to fight anymore.” I huff out a breath and close my eyes. “He was all I had and one day he was just gone. I feel like it’s happening all over again.”
William’s foot lays off the gas a little and all I can hear are his steady breaths and the windshield wipers on the glass. Visions of my younger brother—his blond hair and his mischievous, crooked smile—invade my mind and I clench my eyes.
Fuck. I thought I was past it and had made peace with it. But I guess I haven’t. It’s why I fret so much over the ladies. Because I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.
When my mom died, I gave zero fucks because she was an abusive piece of shit, but losing Leo tore something out of me.
I was never the same after that. There’s been a lingering anxiety that has lived inside of me since he passed.
“Who’s going to love me now that she’s gone?” I whisper.
William reaches over and clasps my hand.
“Me, Lexington.Me.I will love you.”
His silhouette swims before me and I hold onto him tighter. There have been so few people who have loved me as much as I loved them.
Brenda was one of them.
William will be another.
My William.
Brenda gave him to me. She knew she would have to leave me someday, and so she chose to give me a piece of her to keep.
Promise me you two will take care of each other.
Fuck.
I let out a broken sob and stare at the swirling lights outside as we make our way through the storm.
This is so hard.
But I know I can get through it with him here with me.
I can do anything with William by my side.
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
WILLIAM
Lex is not okay. The entire drive to the senior living facility he shrinks further and further inside of himself. The bright light inside of him is fading and I feel it acutely.
It’s as if a bell jar has fallen upon us, sucking all the air out. He’s stuck in his own head, his grief weighing him down. I know because I feel similarly. The only reason I’m still functional is because I have to be strong for Lex. We can’t both fall apart. He needs me right now. He’s counting on me, whether he realizes it or not, and I will be that pillar for him.
“Lexington,” I whisper, putting the car in park, reaching over, and pulling him into my arms. I run a hand up his chest and feel his beating heart. It’s erratic and my chest pinches.
I take a deep breath and steel myself.
“We’re here,” I say, and his red-rimmed eyes meet mine.
