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“I can’t do it.”
“Baby,” I whisper. “We have to.”
He swallows harshly, his throat clicking loudly. Outside, rain pelts the car, and we just stare at each other.
The utter wreckage of this moment completely envelops us.
“I forgot to ask, are you okay, love?” Lex asks, his voice hoarse.
My throat is sore and my eyes feel heavy but I smile sadly as I shake my head. “No, I’m not but I’m strong for you, Lex. I’ll be strong for you.”
He leans forward and pulls me into him, his lips seeking mine. When we pull away, he closes his eyes, steeling himself, and then quickly moves out of the car, stumbling slightly as he finds his footing. I jog up next to him, wrapping my arm around his waist, and he just leans into me.
“You don’t have to be strong for me,” he mutters, sniffling and swiping at his eyes.
“I want to,” I tell him and press a kiss to his temple.
When we enter the lobby, I see Martha and Vikki waiting for us. Both look haggard and exhausted, eyes red-rimmed from crying.
“Lex,” Martha says, sniffling loudly. “Come here, my boy.”
Lex peels himself away from me and bends down to hug Martha to him. The embrace is long and drawn out and when she finally pats him on the back, he moves over to Vikki.
I just stand as an outsider, watching it all. And for a moment I feel lost. Because I was never a part of this found family. All I had was Grandma, and now that Grandma is gone, what does that make me?
I’m nothing to them.
Fuck.
I take a step back and Lex’s head swivels toward me.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
I shake my head and wet my lips. “I want to give you privacy.”
Lex frowns and then points to his side. “Come here, William. I need you.”
I don’t hesitate. I latch onto him, relieved.
When our hands are linked, Lex turns to both women and asks, “Where is she?”
“The funeral home is here….”
“Shit,” he says and then swipes at his eyes. “We need to see her. One last time.”
Martha and Vikki look at each other, silently communicating something, and then nod to the hallway leading down to the rooms.
Vikki holds onto Lex’s arm as Martha marches ahead, and when we round the corner to her apartment, Lex sags into me.
Because there she is on a stretcher looking so fucking peaceful. Like she just closed her eyes and fell asleep. Her hand is on her chest and her lips are turned up slightly.
Like she’s happy that it’s over.
My god, my heart cracks a little and I blink furiously.
“William,” Lex gasps, his grip on me bruising. “I can’t.I can’t.”
I pull him into me and once more, sweep him into my arms, cradling him to me as I walk to Martha’s apartment.
