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I sink down on her couch as Lex sobs into my shirt, his tears soaking the fabric and wetting my skin.
Martha and Vikki sit down next to us, Martha’s hand rubbing my back as Vikki holds on to Lex’s hand as he shudders against me. I peek down at him and see his splotchy skin, red from crying. God, my heart. This is too fucking much.
I blink furiously, my chin trembling as I feel the comforting swirls Martha is drawing on my back.
“She was happy at the end and she went peacefully,” Martha says after a moment of silence. “She went the way I want to go…”
Lex stiffens and lifts his head, his eyes a little duller than normal. “Don’t do it, Martha. I can’t bear it. I can’t lose you too.”
She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and nods. “I have years left, asshole. I’ll drink your fucking green tea. And I’ll cut back on the sugar packets.”
Lex lets out a wet laugh and then tucks himself back against me.
Vikki pats his hand and we just sit there in silence, our thoughts nearly as loud as the thunder rumbling outside.
“It is a bit ominous, the storm,” Vikki says after some time and Martha scowls at her, swatting at her hand.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Vikki, honestly. Now is not the time to joke about that.”
“Well, she always said she would go out with a bang. I didn’t think she meant it literally.”
Lex turns his head and smiles softly.
“She did say that. She would always joke about it…” He inhales shakily. “Shit.”
“Look, enough of this,” Martha says, attempting to get off the couch but she gets stuck a little.
“Damn thing,” she says. “I told my son that this couch was too low but he didn’t listen. If you come to visit and can’t find me, the couch probably ate me. Just check between the cushions with the loose change.”
Lex helps her stand, and then she waddles out of sight, only to return a moment later with something in her hand.
“Are those my pajamas you’ve been working on?” Lex asks.
“You betcha.”
He runs his hand over the fabric of the adult-sized footie pajamas and meets her gaze. “There are dicks on this. You used a dick pattern?”
“Yeah, so? You like cock.”
He laughs and nods, and the sound is like a balm to my broken heart. “I do. Thank you, Martha.”
“You’re welcome,” she says and then turns toward me. “Yours are coming, William. Don’t be jealous. These things take time.”
I squeeze Lex to my side and nod. “Thank you.”
“So, what do we do now?” Lex asks with a sniffle.
“The funeral home will be in touch, and then we can plan for a memorial service…she told me what she wanted…” my voice cracks and Lex leans toward me, pressing his lips to my cheek.
“Don’t cry, William. I mean, what the fuck am I saying? You can cry. Go ahead and cry, love.”
And with those words, I just let myself crumble.
Lex’s thumbs brush my tears away, and I just breathe him in, the essence of him permeating my soul.
“We have each other,” he chants over and over and when I finally calm down, Lex is the only thing I can see.
“Don’t leave me,” I whisper.
