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‘I felt something besides pain and helplessness and desperation. I felt a connection to something deeper than all of the above.’ I could see that he had just made a journey to the bottom of his being, gathering all possible strength. ‘It was like I was lost somewhere in the universe, waiting for a sign.
‘And then I had it.
‘I’ve searched in empty vessels for so long that I was beginning to doubt its existence. But then you pushed my door to open.
‘You were the sign I needed.
‘A sign that there’s life beyond grief. I just didn’t know how to deal with everything.
‘I was like a clumsy introvert receiving the most expensive gift.
‘So I fucked up.
‘Not just once or twice, but with every chance I got. Like someone was betting all their money on my incompetence.’
‘It’s okay.’ I ran my hand through thick strands of his fawn hair, letting them flow between my fingers.
‘No, it’s not, because I still can’t guarantee that I’ll ever be the one you want. I don’t live in the shadows because I need to; I live in the shadows because I want to.
‘The instant I was out of my body, I learned the beauty of darkness. The magic hiding under the spell of night.
‘And I love the way the fire fits between all of this. How the orange flames bring everything to life, maybe the same way I was brought back to life.
‘But you know what I love most?’
‘Tell me.’ I let my head fall on his chest without losing eye contact for a second.
‘The way that fire brings you to life. How it reflects against your skin. How it connects us...’
I knew exactly what he was referring to. That inexplicable attraction that often got me thinking about the day the planets aligned for us to meet. Though I was still in doubt that it was the planets and not his quest for anything that would make him feel human again. And it was leaving me somewhere between jumping into whatever this may lead to and total disbelief.
‘What about The Pleasure Room?’ I asked, hoping to receive an answer that would go some way to help me clear my thoughts.
Sure, he was claiming I was special.
But was I really thespecial one?
Or the only one who didn’t run away?
‘You tell me about The Pleasure Room. You’re the one that worked there?’ He gallantly smiled, thinking that the seductive curve of his lips would allow him to deflect the question.
It was exactly what I was afraid of— a refusal from him to get down that road. And I couldn’t accept splinters of his memories and emotions.
This time I threw everything into the game, and this was it now, all or nothing on both sides. If he didn’t know that already, the warning in my tone brought things to a different light. ‘Ferris...’
‘Okay, right. I was trying to defuse things a little.’ He choked out the sentence.
‘Dothingsneed to be defused?’
‘Probably. Not for me though. For me it means nothing. I’m just not sure if you’ll understand what I have to say. At least the way I want you to understand.’
‘Try me.’ I raised my head from his chest to peer straight at him.
I had a feeling that this would be crucial, and I needed to search for any kind of emotion his gaze might betray.
‘Okay... Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
‘I discovered The Pleasure Room around a year ago. It wasn’t that I didn’t know about the place; it just didn’t present any interest until then.
