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In order to start over, I needed to tell her everything. About The Pleasure Room... about my parents. There was a time when such a task seemed possible. But I had changed and I needed to push that change further for her.
There was only one way out of this — together.
At first, it felt impossible to speak. However, she needed to hear the story of how I was defeated by my monsters. How I became a monster myself and the trail of mistakes and heartbreaks I left along the way.
I told her all about The Pleasure Room. About the women working there and how each one of them only managed to push my insanity further, letting me sink into my own darkness.
I didn’t remember talking so much in a very long time. My secrets were all in the open, letting her be the judge, jury, and executioner of me.
Though there was something I didn’t get to say. A truth that needed to reach her ears so she could stop comparing herself, or what we shared, with anything else. ‘They weren’t like you. None of the women could ever come close to what you represent. They were just tools that I was using, uselessly trying to fix myself.
‘With you, it’s all so different.
‘With you, I’m in love.’
She didn’t say it back and, somehow I knew she wouldn’t, even if she had felt it. It was a scary thing opening your heart like that, especially since the one in front of you wasn’t yet fully trustworthy. And I wasn’t. At least not from where she was standing.
It was okay. I had all the patience in the world. Besides, her actions replaced words a long time ago.
The rest of the night was as magic as the miracle we’d witnessed. From destruction, there had come salvation and we were both living proof of that.
There was no awkwardness the next morning. There had never been any between us, but you never know for sure after a night like that.
Life just seemed to take its normal course and while she had classes in the morning, I had a full agenda of meetings.
Cole was up in her room by the time I was done with playing my part in the elections. I could tell since his jacket was thrown on a comforter next to her door as ado not disturbsign. It was late night anyway and I was getting used to the idea of him spending so much time with her. I even appreciated it since he managed to help her through such difficult times, especially since I was too fucked-up to ease her suffering.
I was just getting out of the shower and changing into some shorts when I heard loud noises coming from Bea’s room. I couldn’t tell exactly what was happening, but from what I could distinguish she seemed frightened. And that in return wasfrighteningme, making me bang on her door, though without receiving an immediate answer.
Cole finally managed to let me in to face a scene I didn’t really understand. Bea was nestled into a corner of the room, almost turned into a ball, while the sheets from the bed were all piled up around her.
My first instinct was to go for Cole and learn what the fuck did he do to her. But something was telling me it wasn’t his fault, so I postponed any rushed reaction.
‘Not going to let you go there.’ Maybe I wasn’t in on what had happened, but I could tell exactly where she was heading — that dark abyss I used to call home for the last two years.
Without wasting a second more I tried to raise her back to her feet. Whatever it was, she had to face it before it would take over her mind.
‘Get up,’ I demanded although she didn’t seem to hear me, being too far away to follow my request. I needed to pick her in my arms and put her back on the bed, trying to get to the bottom of what was happening.
Cole didn’t appear to know anything either. A few minutes passed in which we were uselessly waiting for answers when he stumbled upon her phone and instantly got to the bottom of why she was in a state of shock.
Two very menacing texts seemed to have caused her outbreak, and since Bea had no idea where they were from, she didn’t need us asking even more questions. She needed reassurance. ‘Bea, it’s going to be okay.’ My eyes locked on hers, letting her know that no matter what, we all are going to be there to protect her.
And I was starting with the protection within my own mansion, doubling the guards.
I knew a solution to reduce her shock, and even though Cole didn’t seem to agree with my methods at first, one of my pills helped her to calm down.
I could offer her the world in those moments. But I was beginning to think it was the warmth of my arms wrapping around her that she needed. With that in mind, I sneaked into bed next to her while Cole also found a spot, lying behind her.
She was resting in the most secure place of them all, guarded by her kings.
Despite the storm of thoughts running through my mind, I managed to fall asleep. I blamed it not only on the feeling of comfort she provided but also on the fact that there was nothing much else that could be done that night anyway — except calm her down.
And it worked.
The morning found her more relaxed. She was still cuddled between my arms, though facing Cole who seemed to have made a pillow out of her breasts... motherfucker.
Bea was indeed so much better, but still reluctant to get out of bed. I just let her sleep for a little longer. I loved the feeling of having her close to my chest even with Cole present there.
