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Part of me wantsmore, and I feel the need to push it to make something happen that lands us back into bed with each other. But the stronger, saner part of me is too worried about blowing it.
At my company, things are all set in place and off to a good start on solid ground at this new location. And at home, I am enjoying every second of time that I have with Tabitha and my son. It’s as if I am looking at everything with new eyes. It all feels like things are falling perfectly into place, and that makes it even harder when suddenly something unexpected happens that turns things south.
“I’m really glad that you could come over to hang out for a bit,” I say as Jax sits on the floor playing matchbox cars with Teddie.
“Me too,” Jax smiles as he makes a car sound and spins his little die cast vehicle around on the pretend track. “It’s pretty convenient having you both in one house, kills two birds with one stone when I want to visit.”
Tabitha laughs from her seat on the couch next to me.
“But I waslivingwith you,” she reminds him. “You didn’t need to visit me when we were living together.”
“True,” Jax muses, “but now I get to come spend time playing with this kid.”
I laugh because I’m happy that I moved back here closer to my best friend. I’m glad that Teddie will grow up knowing Jax, and that we are all able to hang out together like old friends.
As I watch Jax playing with Teddie, I can’t help but steal a few glances in Tabitha’s direction.
“This is nice,” I smile at her.
“It is,” she agrees. She shifts her position and moves slightly closer to me on the couch. I know what she’s doing—I can feel it because I want to do it too. I don’t need words to be exchanged between us in order for me to knowexactlywhat she is thinking right now.
Neither of us wants to say anything to Jax about what is going on under the surface between us. And both of us are struggling at maintaining a distance. Especially now, as we are all sitting here like a little family, I just want to hold Tabitha in my arms and breathe in the scent of her hair.
“What’s going on between you two?” Jax asks, abruptly breaking my momentarily lingering stare at his sister.
“What do you mean?” I ask, pretending that I have no clue. I can’t tell if he’s serious or making a joke.
“You two seem a lot closer than you were.”
In that spit second, I try to come up with a convincing lie that I can say to throw him off the scent. I don’t even know yet what, if anything, is going on between me and Tabitha. And bringing Jax into the mix right now is only going to muddy the waters. Not that I don’t love my best friend, but this is a little touchy since it involves his sister,whomI have already unintentionally hurt once by leaving.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” I repeat, playing dumb.
“Well, whatever it is, keep it up! You both look better than either of you have in weeks,” he teases.
I catch a small grin on Tabitha’s face which is unexpectedly satisfying.
“Seriously though, I’m glad to see that this work arrangement is working out for you both. I had my doubts at the beginning, but it seems to be smooth sailing.”
“You had yourdoubts?” Tabitha echoes him. “You spent an entire day telling me how much you thought this was going to be theperfect arrangement. You can’t play both sides of this.”
Jax laughs at his sister catching him smack in the middle of trying to play Switzerland again.
She starts to laugh too but then suddenly all of the color washes out of her face.
“Hey, are you alright?” I ask, noticing her pupils narrow and her hand reach up to hold onto her stomach. “You don’t look so good all of a sudden.”
Tabitha stands up abruptly and runs to the bathroom.
“I’ll go check on her,” Jax says as he gets up to follow behind her.
“What’s wrong with Tabitha?” Teddie asks, looking up from his pile of toy cars.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” Jax reassures him with a smile. “You know girls—sometimes they can be a bit dramatic.”
Teddie doesn’t laugh at Jax’s joke because he doesn’t think it’s funny. And he’s right—it’s not at all funny because Tabitha spends the rest of the day feeling unwell.
Her illness lasts off and on for several more days, with some days Tabitha seeming fine and completely recovered, and other days not being able to keep a single meal down.
