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“It looks perfect,” I say, my words strangled by stupid emotions.
“Thanks.” She smiles a little. “I made mushrooms, pasta à la bolognese, and steak. I didn’t know what your favorite food is, so I didn’t know what to cook. If you like something else, I can—”
“It’s fine. I don’t have a favorite food. I don’t like it that much, actually.”
Gwen frowns. “Why not?”
“I guess eating was just a tedious chore when I was young, because food was hard to come by. Being hungry hurt and sucked my energy, so I dreaded the sensation. After I grew up, I started eating for necessity only.”Until recently.
Until Kingsley sat me on his lap, on the counter, and made me eat. Or when he did filthy things to my body while I ate.
Until I started to associate food with our heated debates and a delicious burn on my ass.
“That’s because you did it alone.” Gwen scoops some of the pasta on a plate. “Food should be consumed while in someone’s company, so if you have no one to eat with, call me…or Dad.” She slides the dish in front of me with a shy, “I hope you like it.”
I take a forkful of the pasta and chew on it to keep from choking on the lump in my throat. “It’s delicious. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Dad taught me how to cook. He taught me everything I know.”
I swallow the mouthful of food. “I’m glad you had him.”
“Me, too.” She fiddles with the napkin on her lap, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry I blamed you for what happened in the past. Truth is, it wasn’t your fault and you were only a child when you were pregnant with me. I was illogical and emotional and shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“Gwen, no…”
“Let me finish.” Her voice turns brittle. “I missed you so much when I didn’t have you and I was hurt thinking you abandoned me, but you didn’t. Yesterday, Daddy took me to the grave you visited yearly, thinking it was me, and told me you were severely abused, starved, and beaten to within an inch of your life, but you still tried your best to protect me. He said losing me shaped who you became as a person and if I couldn’t understand your circumstances, then I don’t deserve you as a mother.”
My lips part. Kingsley told her that? He…defended me in front of her?
Like, what is he playing at now? Is this another tactic to make me trust him just so he can pull the world from beneath my feet?
“You’d deserve me anyway, Gwen.”
“No, he’s right.” Her colorful eyes meet mine with a shine in them. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I had no idea your life was that hard.”
“I…survived.”
“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard. I’m an adult now, you know, so you don’t have to protect me anymore. I can do that myself just fine and can even protect you, Dad, and Nate if need be.”
My fingers shake on the utensils and I couldn’t control them even if I wanted to. God. What have I done to deserve a daughter like her? No wonder Kingsley calls her an angel. She’s the purest soul ever.
She makes me eat from every dish, channeling her father’s behavior, and I do it, not because I like the food, but because she’s there.
The three of us talk about the firm and her law school application. Nate and I give her advice on her options, relying on our experience.
And in the midst of the peaceful, familial atmosphere, I hate that I wish Kingsley were here to join in on the conversation. He makes his larger-than-life presence known by his absence.
At this point, I don’t know if I could ever purge him out of my system instead of letting him fester inside.
After dinner, Nate goes to search for some board games while Gwen shows me around the house.
“It’s a beautiful place,” I tell her when we reach a small living area that overlooks the illuminated pool.
She faces me, a sly smile on her lips. “Not more beautiful than Dad’s house.”
“They have different attributes, I guess.”
She watches me intently, slightly narrowing her eyes.
