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"A week or so."
Randy's face shifted from one of disbelief to shock, and it was just the reality check I needed. "Randy, you can't keep this from her for this long. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl, no one likes their intimate moments exposed online. Every second you don't tell her is a betrayal. You may have dated many women before, but relationships are different. She won't be happy about this." I knew all this from my own experience with relationships, and I wanted him to understand the gravity of the situation. I needed to tell her the truth, and soon, before it was too late.
My throat went dry at the thought. It was hard to sit in the office and remain silent, without being able to put an end to our situation. But the thought of her being truly angry with me filled me with fear. I didn't want to lose her. Despite only knowing her for a short time, I wanted a future with her. It was a crazy thought, but it was true.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," James said.
"Because I'm realizing that I really screwed up. The one thing that I told this woman was that I was achangedman. I told her that she could trust me. I had her trust in my hands and I dropped it like some sort of glass ball,” I said, taking another swig of my Roy Rogers. “I was doing so well, and now it's all done. I'm going to tell her this and she's going to hate my guts."
"Don't you think that you're jumping the conclusions just a little bit? I'm going to go out on a limb here. If this girl gave you a chance—right?—and she let you into her life after not trusting you, then it's not going to be easy for her to lose that trust. This isn't the worst thing that you could do. Hell, keeping it from her will probably be what she’s more angry about"
"You don't know this woman, James. She is unwavering in her beliefs and convictions. We started off on the wrong foot and it seems like that's still the case. I'm determined to make this work, but judging by your face, I know I’m in for a challenge.”
James took another sip of his whiskey, emptying the bottle. "Well, I hope you figure it out. Because as long as I've known you, I've never seen you this happy… you know, apart from the circumstances."
"How can you tell while I'm mortified?"
"Hey, I know you're probably feeling scared and like you're going to mess up, but I can see how bad you want this. That's happiness, man. All these jitters and anxious feelings in your chest? That's happiness too. You actually care about a woman. That's saying a lot. So, if I were you, I'd do whatever it takes to save her. But, maybe work on saving yourself first."
That night, I went home and followed James' advice. I put away my phone, turned off the TV, and cleared my head of anything that would distract me from what needed to be done the next day: telling Madison the truth. I knew it was going to be difficult and painful, but I also knew it was the right thing to do. As James had said, she deserves nothing less. I was ready to face the consequences of my actions, no matter the outcome.
I was no longer afraid. It was going to happen.
The next day was nerve-wracking. Nothing felt normal. I spilled my coffee and was late, but the worst part was that Madison hadn't arrived. Her desk was empty and she hadn't called out. Was this her way of putting in her resignation? I hoped not, because I'd come so close to making things right and hadn't. That wouldn't have been satisfying.
I waited with bated breath for her to walk through the door and give me a second chance.
…
A third technically, but who’s counting?
Chapter 18
Madison
The man's name was Henry. Henry, Head of Security. Seeing what he had pulled up on the screen mortified me. My stomach churned as he quickly turned away, as though he hadn't already seen it. The only positive thing about the whole situation was his attempt to spare me from having to look at it.
Henry's role did not matter, to put it bluntly. He was merely a piece of the puzzle that helped me realize what I needed to know: Randy had claimed to have erased the security office's footage, but he had overlooked certain databases.
"You know, you're on a few websites too." Henry added.
My heart had nearly stopped. I felt like I couldn't breathe. How could my bare ass be on not one, but a few websites? I would never have wanted to even show it on a security camera, let alone the internet. It was like the most intimate thing a woman could do, besides putting in a tampon or taking a really bad dump. Maybe even jerking off was up there on the list. But thankfully, I hadn't done that.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
Okaywas a long shot from what I was. I felt a complicated mix of emotions after discovering my private footage had been released online without my knowledge. I felt broken, embarrassed, ashamed, and most of all betrayed. I had trusted Randy, the person who had released the footage, to keep it private, and his failure to do so caused me pain. So yeah, no words in the dictionary could accurately describe the hurt I was feeling; it was unique. I could work to get the footage removed, but I could not erase the fact that Randy had not told me.
"I'm peachy, Henry. Thank you for showing me this. Can you please do everything in your power to remove this footage?"
"Yes ma'am. I just had this feeling that you should see it with your own eyes."
For a moment, I felt a connection to Henry. He clearly wanted to show me it without Randy's knowledge. "Thank you. I really appreciate it."
My eyes burned with rage as I stormed away from Henry, my fists clenched and my entire body filled with adrenaline. It was still early morning, yet my anger was so intense I felt like I had been transported back to my infancy. I walked faster and faster, eager to reach the office and express my anger to Randy. Hopefully, my rage would dissipate soon, and I could move past this episode.
I pretty much kicked the door open. Then I slammed it behind me. Randy's stupid little head jolted up to look at me.
Before he could even blink, I said in what became a sort of crescendo, ""You lied to me. You didn't tell me what was going on. You say you've changed, but how am I supposed to see that when you do something like this? What do you call this, Randy?"
