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It took a month to pin down firm quotes from contractors, haggling with them to whittle their prices as much as I could so I could put together the best plan to refurbish the theater with the money I was able to raise. Now I had finally handed in my proposal, along with the petition to have the Dante declared a historical landmark, to the town council.
Sitting on the bench in the stuffy hallway outside the mayor’s office, I twiddled my thumbs and tapped my toes anxiously on the floor. A walk around the park would have probably worked off some of my nervous energy, but I felt sicker than a dog that morning. It had been getting progressively worse over the last week or so, feeling tired and achy, and throwing up even when there was nothing on my stomach. In fact, it often seemed worse when my stomach was empty. I knew I should probably talk to one of the doctors I worked with at the Bayberry Hospital, but I kept putting it off, spending all my free time polishing up the proposal so the council had no reason to deny it. It was probably just stress and lack of sleep, plus I had been picking up extra shifts at the ER in a hopeless attempt to keep my mind off things.
Things being Jax. It was unheard of that I should still be thinking about him, after more than a month had gone by without a peep out of him. Not a single inquiry about the gala, nothing. It was ridiculous, because we’d hardly spent any time together, but the time we did share had been… explosive? Amazing? Infuriating? All of the above, and I even missed being annoyed by him. It was like he’d infected me. I dreamed about him, got lost in silly fantasies of him coming back to visit Silas and us bumping into each other in the park or on the trails. I never usually had trouble concentrating, but the last couple weeks had seen me constantly shaking myself out of a daydream about Jax. Maybe I needed to work more hours.
Once the renovations at the theater got under way I’d definitely be too busy to give him a passing thought. I couldn’t wait to get the go ahead, ready to throw myself into the project. This year was probably out, but by next year the elementary school could start having their Christmas plays there again. I had already spent some time on my computer designing a few ads to get people interested in starting a local theater troupe. There were enough drama lovers around here, so they could finally channel it onto a stage.
“Luna, come on in, we’ve reached a decision.”
I swallowed hard and crossed my fingers as I walked in. No one around the long conference table would meet my eye as the mayor held out a seat for me. Even that reminded me of Jax, damn it. Why was no one looking at me?
“You did a great job on the proposal,” the mayor started, and I slowly let out the breath I was holding. “We can see how hard you worked, but we’re just not convinced that the Dante is financially viable any longer.”
“But what about it being historical?” I asked desperately. There was still hope, there was always still hope.
He shook his head, resting his hands on his ample belly, held in by a big, silver belt buckle. His look of pity cut to my bones. “Just because something is old doesn’t automatically give it any historical meaning. We’ve decided to go ahead with the sale to the contractor from Bayberry, which will be final in one month’s time. You can have any kind of parties you want in there until then.”
Farewell parties is what he meant. Last viewings. I could hardly breathe, but somehow managed to smile at everyone, who finally looked me in the eyes, though their faces were dripping with pity. They must have decided within the first five minutes and then spent a half hour arguing over who would have to tell me. So it had really been a lost cause after all.
“Thanks for the consideration,” I said.
“Of course, Luna. Thank you for all you do for the town.”
What was that? Waste the time of lucrative corporations getting their hooks into the town? I knew that each ugly, trinket filled shop in the new shopping center meant jobs, but all I could picture was my grandpa’s face as he proudly oversaw the projector with a packed theater below, or the cheerful way he greeted people as he stamped their tickets. He always believed in every wild, childish scheme of mine. This most important one of all had failed. I had failed.
I made it a block away before I had to stop, my blubbering making it impossible to drive safely. I pulled into the pharmacy parking lot and sobbed, my head resting against the steering wheel. It was only a fresh bout of nausea that made my tears subside. Pressing my hands against my churning stomach, I tried to figure out why I was being so emotional. I think I knew all along it was an uphill battle. Maybe I had been tricking myself into believing the town would choose nostalgia over money, but deep down I knew.
“Oh, damn it.”
I got my car door open and stumbled out just in time to throw up in the trash can next to the pharmacy. This made fresh tears well, wondering if something was really wrong with me.
It hit me all at once, with a full body tremor of embarrassment and horror. I went over my recent symptoms and counted back the days. I was a nurse for goodness’ sake and hadn’t figured this out? I hurried into the pharmacy, glad it was a teenager behind the counter who I only knew by sight. She wouldn’t spread tales of my purchase far and wide, at least. For a split second I wished I lived somewhere anonymous like Jax’s territory. Oh, God, Jax.
It was better that I didn’t think about him at all until I got home and could verify my fears. Shaking, I took the test and sat down on the edge of the tub to wait. It didn’t take any time at all for the lines to appear, bright and bold and indisputable.
I was pregnant.
Chapter 19 - Jax
I stared at my computer, barely listening to what Silas was saying, and hardly registering his face on the screen. Our business meeting had concluded ten minutes earlier and he’d been walking around his parents’ old house, showing off the renovations he’d been doing. Harper popped up in the corner of the video, waving and then running up the stairs ahead of Silas. I watched as he completely forgot I was still on with him and his eyes followed her up until she turned a corner in the hall. Yeah, he was never coming back to New York permanently. It was clear his heart was firmly in Virginia.
“Sorry,” he said, remembering me, all alone in my office. And all alone in life.
I’d been keeping my nose to the grindstone the past month and meticulously blocking all thoughts of Luna as they arose, but it was difficult with Silas constantly reminding me what I was missing out on.
“Don’t worry about me, get back to painting or whatever you’re doing.” I said, probably not completely keeping the bitterness out of my voice.
Silas didn’t notice at all. “We’re cleaning out the basement once and for all today.”
Good for him. No, I actually meant it. I could be happy for one of my best friends while fighting my own misery. And it wasn’t that I was actually miserable. No, I wasn’t miserable at all. I was busy, successful, and could have a relationship if I wanted. The reason I didn't was because I didn’t want one. Especially one so far removed from reality.
After we ended the video call I decided to go to lunch early, take a walk in the park to clear my head of the thoughts of Luna that those video chats with Silas always brought to the forefront.
When I saw her sitting in the lobby of our building, tapping her foot on the marble floor and twisting her hands together, I stopped dead. The elevator nearly closed on me so I hurried out, blinking to try and clear the apparition from my vision. But she was really there, dressed in a navy blue skirt and red sweater, looking about as out of place as a daisy in a sidewalk crack and just as refreshingly beautiful. I should have stayed in the elevator and ordered lunch up to my office, because I could not handle seeing her, let alone talking to her.
Too late, she seemed to sense my presence across the large lobby, and jumped up from her seat.
“I’m sorry to lurk around like that,” she said by way of greeting when she caught up to me. I was still rooted to the spot in front of the elevators. “But they wouldn’t let me up without an appointment and I didn’t know where you lived. You didn’t answer any of my messages.” She looked at me accusingly and confusion washed over me as to why she was there, out of the blue, and scowling at me on top of it.
