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I’ll call you later.
I nod, and there’s a flutter in my stomach. Tanner gives me a small smile before he walks away. My eyes are set on his back until he rounds a corner and is out of sight.
“Lacey, it was really nice seeing you again,” I say after a while, interrupting her. “I actually have to get home.”
“Oh, okay,” she stutters and pulls me in for another hug. “I’ll see you around, Sophie.”
Lacey and her husband stagger back inside the bar, and I stand there for a moment. I don’t want to go home to my empty apartment. It would be so easy to just go back inside and drag some guy along back to my place, but I don’t want that, either. The only guy I want to take home with me just walked away.
I pull out my phone, and my finger hovers over Tanner’s name in my contact list. I want to talk to him; I want toreallytalk. And I want to figure myself out. Figure out why I felt the need to beat him with the whole social media thing. Even as the thought enters my brain, I’m struck by how ridiculous it sounds.
What has this all accomplished, anyway? I bet Tanner doesn’t even notice how many followers I have. Now that I think about it, I don’t see a reason why he would. For a while, I loved getting comments from guys on my feed. I loved reading their words about my body. It was addictive. It was nice to feel desired. But now… I don’t know. I’m still alone. No matter how many DMs I get.
And I’m broke. Even with my salary, I am still paying late fees on everything I bought over the past few weeks. I couldn’t keep up in the end. It’s going to take a while before I pay it all off. What a waste.
I get home and throw myself onto the bed, not bothering to take my makeup off. Suddenly, exhaustion crashes into me, and I just want to sleep. I kick off my shoes and crawl under the covers. I’ll deal with reality tomorrow.
CHAPTER 17
My phone rings early the next morning. I sit up in bed, trying to locate it. I find it underneath one of my pillows, and when I see Tanner’s name pop up, my heart starts racing. I take a deep breath, and then I answer.
“Hello?”
“Sophie,” he says. “I’m sorry if I woke you up. I just couldn’t wait any longer to talk to you.”
I clear my throat and drag a hand through my hair. “It’s okay,” I reply, trying to sound calm. “You wanted to speak to me about something?”
“Yes, if you’d be okay with that.” He sounds a little nervous. “Can I come over?”
I look around me. The place is a mess.I’ma mess. “Give me an hour.”
I chug some water and take a quick shower. Then I run around and pick up around the apartment, shoving things into drawers and closets to get them out of sight. My heart is racing when there’s a knock on the door. Okay, I can do this.
Tanner is looking obnoxiously good in his suede jacket and the fedora on his head. “Hi,” he says, and for a moment, I think he’s going to kiss me. But he just leans in for a hug, holding me close. I wrap my arms around his waist, allowing myself to breathe him in. I don’t think I’ve realized just how much I’ve missed him.
“Come in,” I tell him as we pull apart. He follows me inside, and when I offer him some coffee, he takes the mug right away.
“You remembered how I take it,” he says.
I smile. “It’s not very complicated. A splash of milk is not that hard to remember.”
“Still,” he repeats. I melt under his gaze. “You remembered.”
We sit down on the couch, and neither of us say anything. My mind is completely blank, and Tanner seems to be on the verge of speaking, only to change his mind again. After several minutes of this, I can’t take it anymore.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
He clears his throat and puts the mug on the coffee table. “I want to talk about what happened between us.”
“What’s there to talk about?” I ask, scared that he’s going to rip open those wounds again. “We were just not on the same page, and that’s all there is to it.”
“But I feel like I acted too quickly,” Tanner says. “I was kind of a jerk to you.”
“But you were right. Ididcome on too strong. I can see that now. Even though that wasn’t my intention. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“I know. I guess I kind of got scared.”
“Scared? How?”
