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Hell, I’d barely let Trap in, keeping my grief and fears locked down tight since that day.
Thigh pressed to the edge of the counter, I focused on the tiny bundle in my hand, stroking a single finger over the soft, furry head. “How did that happen?” I flicked my gaze to Trap, who was leaning on the chair’s back two legs, brushing a thumb along his lower lip with an unfocused stare on the window that faced the new neighbor’s house. It was then that I noticed his running getup, minus a shirt. Which, considering it was below forty degrees, made little sense. “And where the fuck is your shirt?”
His hazel eyes slid to me. “I was heading out for a run when I saw her out at her car, rummaging around inside. Then movement across the street caught my attention, and it was a fucking coyote slinking across the Stanleys’ yard.”
“That’s odd,” I mumbled.
“Agreed. But you know they’re building that new warehouse a few miles east. Maybe the land they’re clearing pushed the coyote out of his normal hunting ground.” I nodded, shifting my scratches to beneath the kitten’s offered chin. “I didn’t want her to get attacked, so I stopped her.” A dark chuckle rattled in his chest as he tugged off the black beanie to run a hand through his long hair. “Though I think I nearly scared the piss out of her.”
My eyes narrowed. “What did you do to scare her?” I practically growled, surprising myself. Why the fuck would I care if she was startled by Trap? But the thought of her being scared and alone did not sit right and went beyond my normal protective tendencies.
“Someone is mighty grumpy this morning. Sure you want to pass on the coffee?” I didn’t even respond, knowing he was baiting me. “Fine. Seriously, you’re broodier this morning than normal, and that’s saying something. Anyway, we found the cat, brought it back here, and we talked. Oh, and my shirt is off because I used it to wrap up the terrified cat to keep its dirty claws from digging into me.”
Silence filled the kitchen. His smile grew as he sat there. The fucker knew exactly what he was doing, making me wait. He knew I wanted more than the basic details. After seeing her briefly yesterday, I wanted to know more,neededto know more about the beautiful stranger.
“Fuck,” I snapped. “Fine. You win. Tell me what she’s like.”
A glint flashed behind his eyes, one I’d seen before that usually meant fucking trouble.
“Even more beautiful up close,” he said with an almost reverent tone. “Big green eyes that look fucking exhausted—”
I snorted, startling the almost-asleep kitten. “Sure as hell hope you didn’t tell her that.”
“I’m not an idiot.” I shrugged, silently saying he could’ve fooled me. “She’s in hiding like we knew.” His brows pulled in as he studied the chipped edge of the table. “Though a few things through the conversation made little sense.”
“Like what?”
“She said she didn’t want to come between us. I thought that was… odd. Especially after she blatantly checked me out and said something about us having to know how hot we were.”
Us.
My heart thumped at the mention that she found me attractive too. I wasn’t unattractive, but Trap was the one women flocked to when we were out. I focused on her statement about not wanting to come between us.
“Think Max warned her about us?” I mused. Max was our friend and knew about the unique relationship Trap, Jessa, and I had before she passed.
“Nah,” Trap waved that thought off. “Max is so lost in his own head right now. Plus, you know he doesn’t give a shit about our preferences. He wouldn’t warn her off about us.” He paused, this time not for dramatic effect, more focused on saying the right words. “She said she needs a friend, or friends. Which I told her we would be, that you and I were a package deal with friendships. And it sounds like she has her hands full with her daughter. She’s on her own with no family, no friends, no one to turn to. I want to help her—us to help her.”
I shook my head with a small smile. Trap had a heart of gold and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to help someone or something in need.
I swiped a thumb over the kitten’s tiny nose. Like this cat. I knew the farm was about to be up one cat, that he’d never give the little thing up now that it was in his clutches. My best friend was protective, over-the-top sometimes, but that was because of his childhood.
“Of course, you want to help her. That’s you. And it doesn’t help that you want to fuck her,” I added, watching his features pinch at the truth in my words.
“And you don’t?” he countered. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that damn tent your dick pitched yesterday when you saw her.” I blinked, not allowing an ounce of emotion to show on my face. “Just don’t….”
“Don’t what?” I said through gritted teeth.
He sighed and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. Guilt ate at my gut as I watched him struggle with the right words. It wasn’t fair. He was trying to move on, to heal, and I was still fucking stuck, unable to move forward.
“Don’t shut this opportunity down before we even know if the door is open. I can’t keep doing this, Shade.”
“This what?” I snapped before reeling in my anger. I wasn’t mad at him but at this fucked-up situation we’d found ourselves in. And I was fucking scared, scared of losing him. I loved him. He was family, yet there was a distance between us that grew wider the more I avoided confronting my feelings about losing Jessa.
“Only surviving,” he whispered. “I know you are too. This, what we’ve been doing, isn’t living.”
My jaw worked as I ground my teeth and shifted my gaze to the back wall to avoid his pointed stare. He was right. I wasn’t living. Hell, I hadn’t been with a woman or even been tempted to be with one since Jessa. It was all working at the station, the farm, or here at home, wallowing in the sadness I kept locked down tight.
But I didn’t want to talk about that. Not now.
