AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Justin—” she says hesitantly, but I lift my hand to stop whatever she’s about to say.
There’s a reason she brought wine. I lift my glass to my lips and drink the entire thing down, her eyes widening until she resembles an owl as I chug back the red liquid. I lift the bottle to refill my glass, and it makes a shuddering sound when the neck of the bottle rattles against the lip of the glass.
I’m shaking.
“It’s all there,” I tell her, pointing at the envelope. “The only thing I took was my trust. I left everything else for you.” My hands are trembling so bad I have to place the glass back on the table, if only to ensure I don’t drop it on the patio. But then I pick it up just as fast and chug back the last of the liquid, and half of that sloshes over my hand. It makes a clinking noise when I put it on the table, and the twitching of my fingers knocks it to the side. But at least it doesn’t break.
There are enough broken things at the table as it is.
“I went to Poppy to draw the papers up, so everything should be in your favor.” Poppy has been Jules’s lawyer since she was thirteen and the first portion of her trust kicked in. “She was surprised to see me, but happy that I knew her, and you, well enough to know that she’d want to handle the paperwork personally. I already signed my portions. There’s no waiting period in New York, so as soon as Poppy files, all you’ll need is a signature from a judge and you’ll be free.”
“I don’t understand,” she says, and her chest is heaving in that way that makes me wish I’d brought her pills with me, but certainly, if she’d prepped the patio for this talk, she took an anxiety pill beforehand.
She’s pulling at her fingers, and without thought I reach out and still her self-abuse. I take her hand in mine. Linking our fingers seems to quell some of my shaking.
“I’ll go to my folk’s house. They’re expecting me. Or at least, I asked them if I could crash with them for a few weeks, if need be, and they said sure. Not that they’d ever tell me no. Especially not when I’m heartbroken and in the middle of a divorce. But still…”
“Divorce?” she squeaks, and I finally,reallylook at her for the first time since I started talking. Her breath is rasping, little puffs of white appearing with every gasp despite the heaters providing our warmth. The hand in mine is clammy, and her eyes are squeezed so tight I can count every fright line on her face.
Oh, baby girl.
I lift her into my arms and place her on my lap, then link my arms around her. I nose at her chin, until she opens her eyes and looks at me.
“I thought that’s what you wanted to talk about. It’s the only option at this point, Jules. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t live seeing you this unhappy. It’s killing me. Every time you sigh and every time you whimper in your sleep, it shreds my insides until I can feel myself bleed.
“This way, you guys can be together. His parents can’t have any complaints about you, Julia. You’re a goddess incarnate. You’re everything every man, woman, and child could ever want in a partner, and a lover, and a mother and friend.I’mthe problem. Now I won’t be.”
She sniffles loudly, tears slowly streaking down her cheeks.
“Don’t you love me anymore?” she asks, and I was such a fucking fool. I didn’t know what pain was before. Because that? Hearing the way her voice cracks as she forces the words through her lips? She destroyed me with one little sentence.
I pull her as close to me as I can and nudge her arm until it wraps around me. I take her chin and force her to look at me, and try to show her how she’s the center of my fucking world.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Of course, I love you. I love you more than anything. More than oxygen. More than books!”
She laughs at that, all snot, and sniffles, and I grab the sleeve of my Henley and use it to wipe her face.
“I’m doing thisbecauseI love you. Because I can’t stand to see you this unhappy.”
“What about you?” she asks me, her face twisted in distress.
I shake my head and smile at her, the noose around my chest loosening for the first time in months.
“I don’t care about me. I care about you, and Remi. But mainly you. If I’m out of the picture, you two can be together. You can get married for real, and start that family we’ve been talking about.”
“But what about you?” she asks again, and against my best wishes, irritation spikes inside my chest.
“What about me?” I snap back, immediately apologetic for the way I make her flinch.
“You’re just giving up?”
Why is she making this so hard? Isn’t this what she wanted to begin with? She can’t even look me in the eyes these days. I run my hand over my face, trying not to show what this conversation is doing to me.
“I’m not giving up. Without me, you two probably would have gotten married anyways. You liked him, he liked you. It’s better this way.”
Julia shocks me to my core when she starts to laugh. It starts out small, like a hiccup escaped from a balloon, but within moments she’s laughing full-out, hard enough that she almost slips from my lap and has to drop her foot to the ground to keep her upright.
She untwists her arms from around my neck and swipes the backs of her hands across her eyes, wiping away moisture from a jumble of too many emotions to handle.
