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I blow out a breath through my nose. “One of those is a protection spell,” I offer.
His jaw is tight as he nods. “I know.” Then he sighs and looks at me, his green eyes both soft and blazing at the same time as he cups my jaw in his hand. “I know we fucked up, baby. We hurt you. We haven’t done enough to make it up to you. Just don’t do anything hasty. Don’t be with him, just to get back at us.”
I blink up at him. “Is that what you think I’m doing by training with Cohen? Getting back at you? Trying to hurt you? Is that really what you think of me? That I’m so vindictive that I would pretend to be attracted to another man just to hurt you?”
He sighs, brushing his thumb back and forth on my cheek. “I think you’re still hurt. I think you’re struggling. And I think it’s natural for you to lash out when that happens.”
I blink up at him, fighting against the stinging in my eyes. Reality sinks in. He’s never going to be okay with me being with Cohen, because he’ll always see it as my form of revenge, of making them suffer. Daring to want someone outside of their group would be too much for them.
Nevermind that he’s helped me more than they ever have. Nevermind, that he taught them things they had no clue about. Nevermind that he brought us to the Library, just like he promised he would.
They will never trust him. They will never trust him withme.
Rubbing at the scar between my breasts, I turn my attention back to the door, ignoring the feel of his gaze on the side of my face. I know what he really thinks about me now. He doesn’t see that I’m struggling with this. That the last thing I want to do is hurt them.Him.
Breathe, little warrior.Kohaku’s voice rolls through me, soothing, as I feel him shift on my skin.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Fielder’s mouth open, like he’s going to say something else. I brace myself for another round of hurt, but it never comes because Jules pops back in, her green eyes nearly as bright as Fielder’s and her smile wide. She falters just the slightest bit when she sees our expressions. But then she shakes herself and offers me her hand.
“Come on.” She gives me a gentle smile. “They’re waiting.”
I nearly choke at the kindness on her face, the gentle persuasion in her voice. I’m about to slip my hand into hers when Fielder beats me to it. Fuck. He doesn’t even trust me to hold the hand of a Librarian.
Wonderful.
Jules scowls up at him, flicks her gaze between us, and then sighs. “Hold on tight,” she mutters before turning back to the door. She tugs us after her as she disappears, I watch as Fielder goes too, until the only thing I can see is his hand still clutched in mine.
As soon as the glowing light hits me, I feel nothing but pain. Jules had said that it wouldn’t hurt. But holy penguins, this is agony. It’s like when the guys put the protection spell on me, but worse. So much fucking worse.
Is this what happens if the Library doesn’t find you worthy of entrance? Does it feel like you’re burning from the inside while your skin is being flayed off? Is that normal? My fingers spasm around Fielder’s. My grip on him loosens, the pain making my muscles unable to grip anything.
His hold on me tightens in response, but I can already tell it won’t be enough. There’s a force pushing me back, holding me in place while he’s moving forward. “Hang on, baby,” I hear his voice. “Just hang on.”
I try to, but my fingers slip from his. I feel him try to make a grab for me again, but he doesn’t make contact. “Fielder!” I scream as I’m slammed out of the light and back into the real world.
Chapter 9
In retrospect, I didn’t really need to fight all that hard. After all, Jules had said if the Library doesn’t want to let you in, then you just end up back in your original starting place. I consider this as I lay flat on my back on a hard surface with my eyes closed. Every part of my body aches, my head is pounding, and my mouth feels dry as cotton.
Yeah. Why did I fight so hard to stay with Fielder? They’ll be able to find me here. Any second now, one of them will come back to check on me, and hopefully they will have some aspirin stashed in their pocket so I can get rid of this damn headache.
You must get up, little warrior.I groan at the sound of Kohaku’s voice in my head. Far too loud for how much it already hurts.
Shh, kitsune. You’re making it worse.
I know, Rosalind, but you need to get up. I do not think you are safe.
Fear prickles down my spine. He might be right. Regardless, I probably shouldn’t just stay starfished in the halls of Osprey Falls College. So, first things first. It takes every ounce of energy I have to peel open first one eyelid and then the other. Confused by the sight that greets me, I blink.
What the hell fucked up shit is this?
Adrenaline floods me, pushing all the pain in my body away as I scramble to a seated position and look around. I am not in Osprey Falls. I’m not in The Library. I’m at the top of a cliff, spread out precariously close to the edge. Wind whips my hair around my face as I scramble back, rocks and dirt tumbling over the sharp drop. I don’t look to see what they hit on their way down or what’s on the bottom, just let out a breath when I’m safely away.
“Kohaku,” I murmur out loud. “Where the hell are we?”
“I have no idea, little warrior.” His voice is right behind me, and a moment later, I feel his enormous hands curling under my armpits to pull me up to my feet. I sway and only manage not to fall because he keeps his grip on me, holding me close to his large frame.
We stand in silence for a moment, taking in the cliff, the sea that stretches out in front of it. Then I turn slowly and take in everything else, which is really mostly trees. The sea is a gray color and the trees look like a temperate rainforest, which tells me we’re likely still on the northwest coast. Though Osprey Falls is more central Oregon than coastal, so I suppose there is no guarantee I’m even still in Oregon.
