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Stop overthinking things, Sweeney.
I yelp in surprise and glare at Fielder, who has a smug as fuck smile on his face. “Did you just talk to me in my mind?” I whisper-shout at him, aware that Merritt is sleeping not far away.
I did.
I blink at him, because his mouth didn’t move, but I heard his voice.
Try saying something back.
I focus my thoughts.
Or at least I try to, but now I’m worried that he’s in my head, hearing everything I’m thinking. My brain has decided to focus on all the embarrassing and downright awful things it can. Like the way it felt when Fielder made me come on my dorm room floor just before breaking my heart. How much I want him to do that again, even though I shouldn’t. Or how I want all of them to touch me and make me feel good. On how much I hate that, because I can’t trust them to not hurt me emotionally, so why would I trust them with my body?
If the emotions flickering over Fielder’s face are any sign, he’s seeing all of that too, and then I suddenly feel him cut off the connection, like he doesn’t want to see it anymore. I let out a shaking breath and look away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes. Not when he knows all of that now.
“We’ll work on your focus, Sweeney. Get you to a place where you can block out those intrusive thoughts and focus on what you want to say to us, on what youwantus to see.”
I blink and stare at the floor, rubbing my big toe over a chalked line, smudging the design. I don’t want to look at any of them, because I have a feeling that it wasn’t just Fielder in my head when all of that came out.
“How do we test the protection spell?” I mumble, still smudging the spell lines.
“I don’t think we should,” Ezra says and Fielder makes a noise like he disagrees with it. “If it didn’t take, I don’t want to hurt her.”
“If it didn’t take, then we need to do it again, because someone else will hurt her,” Fielder argues. He looks at me. “We can do just a small hex. Make sure it doesn’t take and if it does, we’ll remove it right away.”
“Will it hurt?” I ask, unable to keep the slight tremble from my voice. I’m so tired of being in pain. Two hours of it is too much.
Fielder’s quick to shake his head, though. “No, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I snort in amusement, and his gaze narrows at me while Hardin hugs me into his chest. His lips brush over the spot where I know the communication rune is burned into my skin.
Before any of them can make another promise about how they won’t hurt me in the future, I nod. “Okay, let’s do this. But if this is just some kind of trick to actually hex me, I will hurt you, Harris.” I try to sound menacing, but I’m not sure it hits because Fielder’s lips twitch into a smile before he smothers it and nods solemnly.
Gideon, Fielder and Ezra discuss what hex they want to throw at me. I try to follow the options, but quickly realize that they might as well be talking in a different language, for as much sense as it makes to me.
Hardin shifts me onto his lap, folding both of his arms around me to hold me against his chest. His lips press over the communication rune again, and this time, I’m inundated by images and feelings that aren’t my own. I’m featured in all of them, though.
Me in the hall smacking hands away from my body and insults hurled at me brings an intense rage and a need to beat the shit out of anyone who touched me. Me sitting at a table at the library bent over a book, the nerves that accompany this as Hardin begged me to tutor him. The need to prove that he wasn’t the asshole I thought he was. In the janitor’s closet, pressed together, him looking down at me and thinking I’m the most beautiful fucking thing in the entire world, how much he wanted me to say he could touch me. Longing pierces my chest and I take a deep breath before Hardin releases the images.
“I wanted you to know that you’re not alone in those feelings, love,” he murmurs against the side of my head. “I’ve been right there with you the whole fucking time. It was torture. Six months of keeping my distance, not worshiping you the way I wanted to.”
I want to snap at him that it doesn’t make it any better, that having feelings for me while treating me like shit just makes itworse.But I can still feel how torn he was about the whole situation. I can feel how shitty he felt every time he stood by and watched. I can feel how it physically hurt him to not tear everyone else apart. He suffered right along with me.
Shifting on his lap, I look at him. “I’m…” I shake my head. “I’m not sure what to say.”
He gives me a soft smile, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. “I know, love. I don’t expect anything from you. You were feeling vulnerable, and I thought it’s only fair that at least one of us feel vulnerable with you.”
I stare at him and resist the urge I have to tip forward and press my lips to his. Hardin has never hidden that he wanted me, that he craved my body, but this is a depth of emotion that I hadn’t been aware that he felt. His hand smooths up my arm until he’s cupping my cheek, cradling it, his blue eyes searing into mine, and just when I’m about to give in, when I’m shifting my hand up to brace against his chest so I can support myself when I lean in to kiss him, Gideon clears his throat.
“Okay, we’re going to try a real simple confusion spell.”
Hardin doesn’t release me, but his gaze shifts over my shoulder so he can glare at the other guys. “Can it wait like five minutes? We’re having a bloody moment here.”
I laugh and shake my head, pulling away from him. Hardin sighs and drops his hand. The moment is lost and I’m halfway grateful to Gideon for breaking it up and halfway resentful. I know tomorrow I’ll be glad. But right now…
I stand up and face them. “Okay. What will happen if the hex takes place?”
“You’ll be confused, Ro.” Ezra grins cheekily.
