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I arch a brow at him. “Yes, because that’s so different from how I normally am when dealing with all of this shit. Can you please give me some specifics?”
He chuckles. “You’ll be evenmoreconfused about the situation, probably about why we’re here, what the marks on the floor are. You might feel unsteady and sway a little.”
I nod. “Okay. But the hope is that I’ll just stay at my normal level of confusion.”
“You aren’t giving yourself enough credit, Rosalind,” Gideon comments, arms crossed over his chest. “You’re handling all of this a lot better than most people would.”
I try not to let his praise hit me too much. Try not to preen under it, but it’s hard not to when Gideon Brightwater gives you a compliment.
Hardin stands up from the couch, wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me back against his chest. “Its true, you don’t seem confused at all.”
I cross my arms over my stomach and shrug as much as I can while Hardin is hanging onto me. “I am an excellent actor.”
They all laugh, apparently finding this uproariously funny, but I wasn’t joking. I am confused nearly all the time. If they don’t pick up on it, I must be very good at hiding it. A yawn nearly cracks my jaw, and Gideon’s laughter dies at the sight of it. “Fuck. Let’s do this so Ro can go to bed.”
Fielder nods. “Right, yes.”
He looks at Ezra, who sighs and runs a hand down his face. This time when he says words, I can tell they are a spell. His hands move in a complicated pattern and I can practically feel the energy building with each motion and word. I catch my name in the words, but that’s about the only part I understand before he’s flicking his hands at me like he’s trying to flick off water.
They all watch me, waiting for the spell to take place, I guess, but I don’t feel any different. “Is that it? Should it be taking effect right now?”
They all let out relieved breaths and I realize that means the protection spell took root, even if the pain it ignited hadn’t been normal.
“Good.” Gideon says, nodding. “This is good. We can keep you safe now without needing to be with you all the time.”
“But don’t think that means that we’re going to just stay away from you now, Sweeney,” Fielder warns. “That’s never going to fucking happen.”
I roll my eyes at him and shake my head. “Oh, of course not.”
“How else are we going to get you to trust us, Ro?” Ezra asks. “We need to be able to prove it to you.”
I open my mouth preparing to argue that if they want me to trust them, they should listen to what I want, but then a flash of how much I actually want them near me enters my head, and I know it’s a losing battle. They know how I feel already. They know I want them, but that my mind is fighting it, because they hurt me. A lot.
So I shake my head and step away from Hardin. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning.”
“Is that a promise, love?”
I don’t respond. We all know that they won’t let me avoid them. Especially not after what happened this afternoon. The spells they just put on me are a last resort, if we somehow get separated, or in if something happens in a class I don’t have with one of them. But I know they’re going to stay as physically close to me as possible.
I both love and hate that idea.
Fourteen
The next few weeks are a blur of school work,workwork and witch work. And I find I am really, truly exhausted when I finally fall into bed after midnight each night.
The spells they’ve put on me seem to be working, or else, no one has tried to attack or hex me since the incident in the pool, which I’m incredibly thankful for. It gives me the space to focus on the more important task of learning how to do magic.
In Professor Masters’ class, we’ve done a few spells together. Mostly just enhancing the protection spells that are already there. When we work together, it works. I can feel the power in me, and I can feel it feeding into the spell.
But when I try to do anything on my own, it fails spectacularly.
Despite that the boys swear I’m a witch with the power of illusion and, I guess, shadows, I’ve not managed to cast anything it on cue. It’s way too weird to try to change the shape of my face without contour.
They are incredibly patient with me, which is a bit of a surprise, especially with Gideon. Who has always liked to push me to be my best, but even he seems to know that I need an adjustment period.
I’ve readThe Basics of Witchcraftmultiple times, and it doesn’t seem to help. The limitations that it covers don’t make sense to me, or maybe it makes too much sense and that is why I can’t get my magic to work on its own. I’m standing in my own way.
“What are you thinking?” Ezra asks from next to me. I roll onto my side to look at him. I hadn’t even realized that he was awake.
