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Keith sighed as he looked into her eyes. “I’m saying if it comes back, I’m not going through chemo again.”
If her heart could have plummeted to the floor at his words, it would have. Harmony’s lips parted as she blinked back tears. Inhaling a deep breath, she closed her eyes and reminded herself that she needed to put him and his needs first. She couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for him to make that decision, and she didn’t want her feelings to make him feel even worse.
“I know it’s your decision, but I can’t let you give up on yourself.”
“Harmony…”
“No.” She stood and began to pace in front of him as her eyes watered. “I watched my best friend die from breast cancer. I’m not watching you deteriorate too. As long as you’re willing to fight, I’m going to be by your side. But if you’re giving up on yourself, I can’t sit around and watch another person that I love die.”
Keith stood and took her hands into his. “I’m tired, Harmony.” This time when he said it, there was finality in his tone. “I’ve dealt with this shit three times in two years. For almost our entire relationship this cancer has been eating away at me. I’m tired, and I know you are too.” Before Harmony could stop them, tears were falling down her cheeks. Keith pulled her into his chest. “I need some time to get my mind and emotions together. Yes, the tumor is shrinking, and I’m confident I’ll have a good report next month, but I can’t keep going through this, baby.
“I need to decide what I’m going to do before I commit my life and future to someone else. You deserve to be with a man who can be present for you. I appreciate you hanging in here with me, but you’re right, I do feel like I’m failing you. I know there’s more that I could be doing to ensure our relationship is happy and healthy, but quite frankly, I don’t have the energy to devote to it. It’s draining just to get up every day and exist. I’m depressed and angry as hell over the way life is going for me, and I love you too much to make you suffer while I do. I don’t want us to break up, but if I can’t pull myself out of this funk, I have to leave you.”
For a while, they stood there, holding each other. Though she didn’t hear his cries, Harmony felt his body shuddering as he released his own tears. When they both were composed, they pulled away and wiped their eyes.
“Take all the time you need to focus on yourself, Keith. Don’t worry about me… about us. Just… do what’s best for you.”
With a nod, Keith took her hand into his. “Do you want me to leave while I do?”
Her head shook as she gritted her teeth. “No, you can stay. This is just as much your home as it is mine.”
“If you want to see other men, I get it, bae. I know you have needs that I’m not capable of satisfying right now.”
Her head shook as her eyes watered. Chin trembling, Harmony kissed his palm. “All I want is you. I can wait for you. If we break up, then I’ll see other people, but I’m not giving up on or cheating on you.”
Keith released a heavy exhale as his eyes watered. Pulling her close, he dropped his lips to hers. “You don’t know how much I needed to hear you say that,” he confessed, before sucking her top lip into his mouth.
Harmony released a quiet moan, losing herself in his kiss. At the feel of his tongue slipping into her mouth, her nipples hardened. She tried to tell her body not to react to the kiss too much, but so much time had passed that she couldn’t help herself. Keith sat back down in the recliner, pulling her down with him.
As much as Harmony didn’t want to, she pulled away to say, “We don’t have to take it there, Keith.”
With the chemo, his sex drive had been lowered, and there were times it was difficult for his dick to get hard and stay hard. The last few times they’d had sex, it was while he was drunk. She didn’t want to ruin the progress they’d made if he wouldn’t be able to perform.
“I want to, even if I can’t.”
Harmony mirrored his smile. “We can just cuddle if you want. But if you want to go back upstairs that’s okay.”
“We can cuddle. Watch a movie. Why don’t you go pick something, and I’ll pop some popcorn and grab a bottle of wine?”
“Okay,” she agreed, giving him a quick kiss through her grin.
Harmony didn’t know how long Keith’s good mood would last, so she hoped to take full advantage of it for the rest of the evening.
ChapterTen
Saint
During Saint’sshow in Atlanta, he collapsed. Though his assistant begged him to go to the hospital, Tristan insisted he finish the show. A man of integrity, Saint couldn’t allow himself to cancel the rest of the show no matter how bad he was feeling. Honestly, he hadn’t had the best eating habits while on the road. If Elizabeth didn’t physically hand him food to eat, he wouldn’t. Not intentionally, but Saint was simply too busy to remember to eat.
If he wasn’t preparing for a show, he was recording, working out, or doing interviews. Very rarely did he have free time, and when he did have free time, it was spent traveling from one city and state to another.
After finishing the show, he went to the emergency room just to hear news that he already had prepared for—he was extremely dehydrated and overworked. It took several hydration IVs to counteract the damage Saint had been doing to his body, and it didn’t help that even if he wasn’t eating right, he was smoking and drinking on a daily basis. The doctor advised he follow up with his primary physician and cancel the rest of his shows for the next two or three weeks, but Tristan wasn’t trying to hear that.
By the time Saint made it from Atlanta to L.A., Cartier and Hosea were already at his place waiting for him. He hadn’t planned for Tristan to follow him home from the airport, but she was dead set on trying to convince him not to cancel any shows. As irritated as he was by her presence, Saint knew that was a battle he wouldn’t have to fight that day. Cartier was there, and she would take care of Tristan or anyone else for that matter with quickness.
Saint pulled his Audi into the garage, then made his way out to meet everyone at the front door. At the sight of him, Cartier’s eyes watered as she rushed into his arms.
“I’m okay, sis,” Saint assured, though he was exhausted even after resting at the hospital for a few hours.
