I sit down beside her and make sure there’s enough room for her to complete my name before starting hers. “I’m going to move to New York,” I tell her, focusing on the first stroke of the letter M. “I don’t know how yet, but I will.” I don’t look at her because I know what I’ll see, and I’m… I’m not ready to see it just yet. “I want to be there for you, Mia. For you and the baby. Emotionally anyway.” I clear my throat, wait a few seconds to see if she’ll respond.
She doesn’t.
“I know your dad’s a pro at throwing money around and thinking it will solve things, so at least I don’t have to worry about that.”
She quiet for a beat, and I know what she’s going to say before she even opens her mouth. “He’s changed, Holden.” It’s barely a whisper.
“I call bullshit,” I say. “And even if he has, look at what it took to get him there—losing his dad and almost losing his daughter?” I scoff. “Stellar guy.”
“He’strying.”
I heave out a breath, so fucking sick of everyone defending this motherfucker. “He’s eighteen years too late.”
“He’smy dad.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not mine,” I blurt out. “So I guess I’m allowed to hate him enough for the both of us—”
“You mean the three of us?” she cuts in, and I shake my head, defeated. She knows me better than anyone, which means she knows my hot buttons, too, and damn if she’s not a pro at pushing every single one.
“Please don’t shoot the messenger,” she says, her hand dropping mid-L of my name. “I caught them kissing—your mom and my dad…”
I’m not at all surprised. Disappointed, yes, but what the hell can I do about it? “Yeah, I figured as much.”
“If they get married—”
“Stop.”
“We could be brother and sister.”
“We’re already brother and sister, Mia Mac. Fuck genetics.”
She’s quiet for too long, and I finally find the courage to face her.Tears. “Dammit.”
“I was going to name him Holden,” she says, hand on her stomach.
I crack a smile.
“But then I figured it might be weird if you have a son someday, you might want to name him Holden the… fourth?”
“Fifth,” I correct.
“It might be weird for him.”
“Probably.”
“So you’re good being Uncle Holden?”
“Uncle Holden.” I turn the words over in my mind, my smile widening with each pass. But then I think about the fucked-up circumstances that got Mia where she is today, and it doesn’t sit right with me. “You know, he has, like, five other uncles…”
It’s her turn to say, “Stop.”
I know her hot buttons, too. “I’m just saying.”
“Holden, you know why I can’t tell his father. Or hisfamily. It’s hard enough for me to take care of myself right now, and then I find out I’m pregnant, and now you want to throw all that in the mix?” She’s on the verge of sobbing, and I know that she’s right, and I really,really,should’ve kept my mouth shut.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my heart heavy, filled with guilt. “I’ll never bring it up again.”
“Good.”