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Confusion fills every nerve of my being, and I hate that I can’t control my emotions. I hate that seeing her upset makes my heart ache, but seeing her smile makes me angry. “So why risk it all now?”
She takes a moment, trying to slow her breaths. “My mom’s sick.”
“Okay…?”
“Do you remember her?”
I shake my head. “Not even a little bit.”
She nods slowly. “She’s the only person I have contact with, and she’s always asking about you. She knows what I did… and she makes it known every day how she feels about it. But…” A frown tugs at her lips. “She’s dying, Connor. Cancer. And she doesn’t have long. She wanted me to reach out to you, and I had to. For her. And maybe even a little for me.”
I blow out a breath, stagnant, as I let her words dig deep inside me.
“She’s done nothing wrong in any of this, so if you want to punish me, I understand. But don’t do it to her, Connor. She’s your grandmother, and she loves you very much.”
“So, what do you want from me?”
“She just wants to see you again, before… before she dies.”
I rub the back of my neck, my mind swarming. “I have to think about it.”
“I know. And you have my number. Just… it’s time sensitive, you know?”
“I get that.”
She smiles.
I start to get out of the booth. “I’ll let you know?”
“Okay.” She stands, too. “I assume a hug is out of the question?”
I still, bewildered, and find myself lifting my arms, letting her close the distance. Her arms wrap around my torso…
…while mine fall to my sides.
I tell her, my heart heavy, “I already have a mother figure in my life.”
She pulls away, her eyes confused when they meet mine.
I add, letting go of every thought I’ve had since the moment I saw the cars she’d given to Ava, “My girlfriend’s mom—she’s a war veteran, and she has injuries that caused her brain damage—and even she can find a way to love me unconditionally. And my dad… he’s done such an amazing job of being both parents to me for so long that after a while, I stopped missing you. Stopped thinking about you completely. And I’m sorry,” I say, my chin up, shoulders back just like Miss D ordered the day I lost regionals, “I can’t pretend like everything’s okay between us, because it’s not.” I turn for the door, leave her there.
I make it two steps before she calls out my name, and I pause, my eyes drifting shut when she says, “Talk to your dad about what happened back then, Connor. He’s not so innocent in all of this.”
* * *
I wait until I’m back in my hotel room before checking my phone. Neither Dad nor Ava has called, but there’s a message from Dad asking me to call him when I can. Confusion blurs my mind when I hit dial, the question forefront in my mind, on the tip of my tongue. What does he know that I don’t?
“Connor!” Dad shouts. “I didn’t want to call in case I was going to ruin your street cred,” he laughs out. “But damn, kid! You made me one proud dad today! I’m kicking myself for not being there. I should’ve quit my damn job and just gone. Screw dying people, right?”
There’s a blinding ache in my chest, in my head, my entire fucking body. I throw myself on the bed, my eyes to the ceiling.
“Are you there, son?”
“Yeah, sorry…”
His voice is filled with excitement when he says, “I heard next door going wild every time you appeared.” He blows out a breath, static filling my ears. “Jesus, Connor, even if none of this was happening, just who you are, the man you’ve become… Honestly, I’m pretty darn proud of myself for raising you.” He can’t stop laughing, and I picture him sitting on the couch in his sleep clothes, a giant smile on his face, pride lighting up his eyes, just like he did when I got into Duke. But I realize now that it’s the exact same way he’s looked at me my entire life.
Fuck what my mom had to say. She doesn’t know what we are—Dad and me—because she chose not to be there. And how fucking dare she try to take that away. “Dad?”
