Page 29 of Guilty as Sin


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From that day forward, everything changed. Lissa had gone through the motions of life, but she wasn't a participant in it.

She'd grown up overnight it seemed. For the first three months her step-father had grieved for her mother and it was sad. She understood his pain, as she felt it too. She felt sorry for him and for herself. That is until he went to drinking. Her anger that he could so easily turn to a bottle for help, when she had nothing to turn to, hurt even more.

She shook herself, she couldn't think on that. She couldn't afford to fall in love with Moon either. Although after that kiss she was sure it wouldn't be that hard to. She couldn't let herself dwell on it. She couldn't lose another love in her life. Moon was a good man, even though he was an Indian. But the reality hit her front and center. Moon was liable to get killed trying to protect her, and if she fell in love, how would she get over him. Her life seemed in turmoil now. If anything happened to Moon, what would happen to her. They were so connected, and in so many ways. She made up her mind, she would protect him too as he had done for her.

"What do you plan to do with me?" she asked as she stared at the flickering firelight.

"Do with you?" he frowned.

"When we get to where we are going, what will become of me?" she asked. "I mean, should I go to town and try to find a job, or keep traveling the way we are now."

"I haven't thought that far ahead, yet. We have to get there first."

She nodded it was sensible logic, but he gave no answers. "Neither have I?"

He stopped and studied her a moment, "Are you sorry you came along now?"

"No, I just don't know where I am going. It's the very reason I never tried to escape. I didn't know where to go. Now I have taken up this journey, I wonder where I will end up? I hope for the better, but I cannot see into the future, so I don't know. And no matter where I go, I'm still a runaway, and there's the murder hanging over us."

"You will be fine, I will see to it." He shrugged, "I guess I have traveled alone most of my adult life and never once questioned such a thing. But you being a woman, I can understand your confusion. Women are nesters."

"Nesters?" she turned her head in question. "Like a bird?" She chuckled.

"Very much so. No matter where a bird flies, the female bird has a nest. Women," he thought about what he was going to say. "Need a home. A place to nest. Men do not necessarily need it."

"Never thought of it that way, but it does make sense."

"I do not know the future. I have no answers for you. What do you want to do?"

She looked away now, then moved to glance around the cave.

"When I left with you, I didn't question, I just left. I guess what I'm saying is now I have time to think about it and I still don't know what to do with myself. But do you know something that is really strange, you worry about being an Indian, while I'm a white woman. But the biggest difference in us, is that you are a man, used to traveling alone and doing for yourself, and I am a woman not used to it."

"There is much truth in what you say."

She looked up at him, "I don't mean to be a burden. I know I seem to bother you or upset you some. It's just that I realized I came without thinking it out first. And I am a thinker. I'm usually not that impulsive. The circumstances and the moment made me make a quick decision. Still, I am a creature that likes to know my future. Of course, I never had a future before."

"Then you will have one, someday." He told her.

"You'll be free to find a husband, make a home, all the things women do."

She sighed and shook her head, "What a dreamer you are." She told him and shook her head.

"Do you not dream?"

"Not much no. Not anymore."

"Look," he turned her chin to stare into her face. "You are free as a bird now. You can fly and make your nest anywhere you desire."

"That's not reality Moon. I'm with you. You're an Indian, I'm white. When one runs away, shouldn't they have something in mind? You have a home, with Jack to go to. I don't. I am a burden as long as I am with you. I just need to figure out what to do about myself. In some ways it's exciting. In other ways it's terrifying."

"This is not the time to discuss it." He insisted. "You do not understand men. Men are more logical. We go from point A to point B, and so on. We do not have to have the final destination and future life plans."

She laughed. "You have this issue about time." She came to stand in front of him, "When will be the right time?" she asked.

"Lady, you are safe, you are free. Is that not enough?" His sarcasm stung.

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," she turned away with tears in her eyes. "I guess I'm a little afraid of what might lie ahead. They'll catch us, hang you and defile me."

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