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"How can one love and pull away? I think… it's time I should move on." She told Jack. "I wanted to talk to you about it, because maybe you can help me figure something out. I don't want to do anything rash, but you and Moon have a life of your own here, and I'm beginning to feel in the way. It is me the law is after and it puts you and Moon on guard all the time. You cannot relax."
"Where would you go girl. They got posters on you?"
"I need to study on it. Maybe I could catch a stagecoach and go a few hundred miles from here. I could get a job cooking, or scrubbing floors somewhere, and start making a life for myself." She told him.
"That's nonsense, scrubbing floors!" he shook his head. "Besides, once they get a poster on you, it'll be all over the territory."
"Well, I won't be a whore." She told him. "If I cannot give myself to Moon, I will not give myself to another."
"I never thought you would girl." He looked stricken.
"I hate leaving you, and the wolves, I've grown close to you." She patted his hand. "All of you, but you two have your own lives to live. I heard that Corky say Moon might bring himself a squaw from the reservation. Maybe if I wasn't here, he would. Then he could start a family, and everything here would be good for him."
"How could that be good, if it wasn't the one he loved? I don't think leaving is the answer. Your disguise is obviously working, or they'd be at our door." Jack told her.
"Me being here endangers you both. I don't want that for you, either of you."
"You don't have any other kin, do you?"
"Not that I know of. There are some back east, but I haven't seen them in years. I don't even know where they live, for sure. I wouldn't want to be a burden to them either. No, I think I need to find a life of my own, somewhere."
"But a woman alone, that's never good."
"You and Moon have taught me a lot about survival. I'm not afraid of being alone. Not anymore. The only fear I have is missing the two of you."
"Let's not talk about this now. I don't think you should even be considering something like this. It's much too dangerous. With you here, Moon and I can protect you. I've got to get to the mine, but you stay put and we won't talk of this anymore." He told her that morning after breakfast.
Jack wouldn't listen, wouldn't consider it. And Moon was so standoffish, she didn't want to talk to him about it. She'd have to figure something out herself and just do it.
If Jack could see so easily how she felt about Moon, then Moon probably could too. They were family, she was merely an intruder. The longer she stayed the more likely something would happen. If she left, what could happen?
Yes, she was determined to keep them from danger. If she left there would be no danger, their lives would go on as before.
She had no money for a stagecoach, or train. She'd have to walk. Maybe walking was safer, easier to get out of the way in case she was spotted.
The next time Moon left, she'd leave, she'd made up her mind.
But a sadness overtook her. Everything she cared about was right here, these two men, the wolves, it was all she had. Sadly, they didn't belong to her. Later, when she was gone, she'd cry about it, but somehow, she'd survive and get over it. She had to.
She'd been stronger than she realized. When her mother died, she'd cried for two days, but after that, she got up and went on. That was the last feelings she had until Moon walked into her life. Until then, she'd shut out the world and just lived her life as she had to.
Once she was gone, Moon could live his life in peace. No one knew he was the one that killed Earl, no one would ever know. He could go on living his Indian ways and be happy with Jack. She'd miss Jack's jokes and fun times. But she'd find some way to make a life for herself.
It happened a few days later, Moon announced he was going on a hunting trip with one of his friends. He'd be gone a week, he told them.
Lissa did her best not to react. It was time to leave. A sadness surrounded her now. She couldn't say goodbye, they wouldn't let her leave. She had to leave a note, that was all she could do.
Jack fixed breakfast that morning and they all sat around the table and ate, talking, laughing, having a good time. She washed the dishes, afterward and watched as Moon packed his gear, and Jack went to the mine.
She fed the wolves and was standing on the porch when Moon walked out. Her eyes traveled him now, he was wearing his Indian clothes, that were so familiar to her. She couldn't take her eyes from him.
"I'll be back in about a week." He told her.
"Plan on getting some deer this time?" she asked her voice just a bit shaky.
"That's the plan, it's getting cooler we'll need to build a smokehouse, I'm hoping to get some wild boar too."
"Build a smokehouse, that would be good," she smiled. "Wild boar, they are mean as the dickens, you be careful."
