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“I’m in love with him.” For the first time I said the words out loud, and they were almost as difficult to get out as the confession I’d given Luke the night before. “I’m in love with him, Kels, and I don’t know what to do.”
He stared at me for so long I began to think he hadn’t heard me. Then he shook his head in bewilderment. “Do? What, are you thinking you need to put some sort of official announcement in the paper, or maybe put it up on a billboard for the whole world to see? I don’t think you’re supposed todoanything except enjoy it.”
“I’ve never been through this before, okay? How long is it supposed to last? Is it like a virus, or are we talking long-term here? I never really liked romance movies, because the endings were always the same—sealed with a kiss before fading to black. Well, what happened to the happy couple after that? Did they decide to live together? Open a joint bank account? Divvy up household chores? Schedule who gets bathroom-time first in the mornings?”
“Who needs a schedule? Your place has two and a half baths.”
“Kels, I’m serious.”
“It doesn’t sound like it. Eden,” he went on when I made a sound of distress. “Why are you trying so hard to make problems when there aren’t any?”
“No problems? Did you not hear what I just said?”
“What I heard was a bunch of manufactured excuses—in other words, bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit.” I scowled while my temper began to heat up. “These are genuine, life-altering concerns.”
“You’re scared and you don’t want to admit it, so that brain of yours has come up with a whole bunch of pretend problems to cover it all up,” he pressed on, clearly ignoring me. “Do you think you’re somehow different than everyone else in the world? Literallyno oneknows what’s going to happen down the road when they get into a relationship, okay? No one. That’s part of the fun—and the fear,” he admitted with a philosophical shrug. “Most people usually learn all about this sort of thing in middle school, but since you didn’t exactly have a normal childhood I’m not surprised you’re clueless about this kind of shit.”
“Excuse me, but I’m not completely clueless when it comes to this kind of shit,” I defended, crossing my arms in front of me. “I’ve read my share of romance novels, thank you very much. And I know all about Romeo and Juliet.”
“Oh yeah, there’s a great example of what a healthy romantic relationship is all about,” he drawled, rolling his eyes. “No wonder you’ve never been tempted to take the plunge before. Pro tip, hon—don’t kill yourself when you and your snuggle bunny have your first tiff.”
Jerk. “We’ve already had our first tiff, don’t call Luke a snuggle bunny, and I’ve never been that melodramatic.”
“Really? You sure about that? Because I was today years old when you said the possibility of opening up a joint bank account was a life-altering concern.”
“You know what? Feel free to shut up at any time.”
“Being in love,” Kels went on as if I hadn’t spoken, “especially with someone who’s already seen your dark side and didn’t throw up on your shoes is an amazing fucking thing, Eden. It’s a gift that’s full of crazy exhilaration, and weirdness, and every level of joy that a human being can experience. Your life is better when the person you love is in it.Youare a better person with them in your life. And instead of just existing from day to day, suddenly there’s the possibility of purpose—of connecting so completely with another human being that you can imagine being together with that person forever. You might even imagine creating more than what you have at the moment—you could create new life together. Has that thought occurred to you?”
I took a careful breath, because everything he said hit a resonant note somewhere deep inside. “Are you talking about babies?”
“Of course I’m talking about babies. Babies that grow into kids, then snotty teenagers who grow into young adults, and then you know what happens?”
“They leave the nest and I retire to Boca?”
“They’re going to go out into the world, meet someone special, and then they’re going to askyouall about love and whether or not it’s worth the risk. What do you think you’ll tell them?”
Oh, for crying out loud. “I’ll tell these imaginary children their uncle Kels is certifiable.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“You actually want me to imagine talking to my potential future children… aboutlove?”
“Yeah, I do. What will you tell the kids?”
“I don’t know.” When he just stared at me, I realized that level of lameness wasn’t going to cut it. “I guess the first thing I’d want to do is make sure I don’t do any damage that could forever alter their lives, so I’d have to keep it real—no happily-ever-after fairy tales when it comes to love, because I’ll want to prepare them for whatever life tries to throw at them.”
“Good policy, Mom. See? You’re a natural at this.”
“Then again, love is kind of like a fairy tale if you’re lucky enough to find that one person who fits your life like they were made for you,” I couldn’t help but add, looking inward as I tried to picture a much-older me trying to counsel a younger version of myself or crazier still, a younger version of Luke. “I’d tell them that love is more than just being horny, or lusting after someone who’s got a hot bod. And it’s more than being so dreamy-eyed you can’t see a person’s flaws. Love is straight-up seeing those flaws—like x-ray eyes and a brain that could dissect you nine ways to Sunday—and realizing you want to spend your life with that person anyway. Because they’ve seen your flaws, too. And when all those flaws are put together, they feel like… coming home.”
“Wow,” Kels said softly after a long moment, his gaze soft as he stared at me like he’d never seen me before. “That was beautiful.”
So was the feeling inside me. “Thanks.”
“And they’re really going to love that part about being horny. Kids are so cool with their parents talking to them about that.”
