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Fuck.I inhale deeply, closing my eyes and stifling a groan.She smells so fucking good.I mean, she always does. But it hits me right in the cock every single time. Maybe it’s the triumph of knowing she won’t resist me right now that makes this feel a little different.
My balls are tightening, and maybe it’s not a good idea to be this close to her if she’s trying to have a serious conversation, but I can’t help it. She’s addictive, and the wall that was once between us is practically nonexistent now.
It may as well be a curtain.
Against my better judgment, my hand trails up her thigh, while the other moves to cup one of her full breasts. Her nipples are hard peaks, and she squirms into my touch.Is she gonna talk or what?I’m losing more of my composure by the second.
I press a kiss to her neck. “You’d better start talking, beautiful,” I rasp. “Or we’ll move on to what I want to do.”
I run my finger along the seam of her underwear. It’s fucking damp already. I can already feel her tight cunt clenching around my cock.
I need it.
Alize sucks in a deep breath, hooking her hand around my neck to straighten so she’s not lying on top of me completely. Then she leans over and flips on a lamp on the end-table beside the loveseat. She tries to wriggle out of my grip to sit beside me, but I don’t let her.
Tightening my grip on her waist, I adjust her on my lap—her ass right on my cock, so she knows exactly what’s happening on my end. She grinds her hips a little, the fucking tease.
“I guess, now that I know it wasn’t you who ratted me out and you didn’t bring Cassidy to the cabin either,” she begins, and already I feel my dick softening at the thought of that psychotic bitch. I run my fingers through the hair by Alize’s nape. It’s a little softer than the rest of her hair, the curls looser. “I’m so sorry for how I treated you. I was so caught up with how I felt that I…didn’t give you a chance to properly explain. Or, try to believe you.”
Her voice is sincere, and she works her jaw nervously in my silence. I run a thumb along the slope where her neck meets her shoulder. Her apology settles in my chest, and it takes me a moment why it feels like I’m choking, it feels like this matters so much.
It’s been years since anyone has apologized for hurting me. Only Mum ever did—but my father, Graham,everyone elsealways told me to suck it up.
After a while, I got used to absorbing the pain and moving on.
“I can’t believe I stabbed you,” Alize covers her face with her hands. “I was just so upset that I…I felt like the entire world was against me. I felt like my anger was the only thing that could protect me because the person I trusted most didn’t.” Her voice wanes to a whisper. “Because you didn’t want to call me your girlfriend, everything else felt so easy to believe.”
I heave a sigh, twisting her to face me. When our eyes meet, I’m surprised to find that they’re glistening with the hint of tears. She’s chewing on her lower lip, her eyebrows drawn together. Is she scared to talk to me about this?
Suddenly, Alize looks less like the woman I know and more like my mum, cowering in the kitchen after another one of my father’s outbursts. She was afraid of him, we all were afraid of him. Alize’s fear has always been delicious to me, intoxicating even.
But not this kind.
She shouldn’t be afraid of what I’ll say if she brings something likethisup. I’ve fucked up royally to have given her a reason to feel this way about something so important. This rough patch doesn’t define our relationship.
“Look at me,” I murmur, my hand on her chin. Her eyes reticently move to meet mine. “I made my own mistakes too. I should have been more open. I was still dealing with a lot of my own shit.” I rub circles into her forearm with my thumb. “It had nothing to do with you. You’re perfect, Alize. All of you. I run my finger along the curve of her cheek. “I was so scared of losing you that it felt like if I kept you at arms length, you would never get hurt.”
Saying it out loud makes me realize how ridiculous I was.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” A chuckle has her skin vibrating against my fingertips. “I guess we were both a little thick about this”
I smile. It’s a stinging remark, but I deserve it. “I didn’t say my reason was a good one.” I’m about to keep talking, but a deep, hollow feeling sparks in my chest. It’s telling me to retreat. Tonotbring up this part of the story because it’s too sensitive, it’s too painful.
Every other time I’ve felt this, I listened to the feeling.
Including that fateful night that made her want to leave me.
I won’t let it happen again.
If I want Alize to give me all of her, I’ll have to give her all of me. Even this. She will be my wife someday—it’s something she needs to know.
Clearing my throat, I pull her in closer so that our faces are inches apart. Her hazel eyes are wide, falling to my lips. She probably thinks I’m going to kiss her, but truly I want her to be as close as possible so she doesn’t miss a single word.
I can’t repeat this.
“I’m the one who found my mum.” I’m reliving that day in the greenhouse. There’s sun on my pounding eye and panic knotted in my chest. “I actually saw the man who killed her and I hid because I was so scared.” I suck in a breath and the gunshot rings out. “I never wanted to love anybody because I just know deep down that she died because she chose to stay with my father, even though he’s such a fucking cunt.” My lips are trembling. “I couldn’t protect her, even though I loved her so much. The more I got to know you, the more I knew that I couldn’t ever bear to lose you like that…”
My voice trails off. There’s more I want to say but it’s all tangled up in my throat. Alize swipes her thumb over my eye, and it’s wet against my skin. I blink a few times and she comes into focus, her face twisted in agony like she’s feeling it too.
