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“You don’t have to do this alone, Alex,” Vance says. “We’re already pissed that you kept all this shit from us and thought you could fix it all alone.”
“And it didn’t, because you almost got Alize killed,” Ezra interjects. “The three of us together will always be better than you trying to carry the weight of the fucking world on your own.”
I frown, and my chest constricts with an unfamiliar feeling. It must be because I’ve been awake so long that their words are affecting me like this. “You guys don’t have to do this.”
“We’re fucking family. We kind of do.”
“Thanks.” It’s all I can get out. I take a deep breath. “I, uh, I appreciate your help.”
They nod, Vance’s smile growing. Ezra smirks, leaning over on the armrest. I know him well enough to expect the facetious comment about to fall from his lips.
“But you have to fucking listen to us.” Right on cue. “You’ve done it your way all semester. Now, it’s time to do it our way.”
I slump in my seat. I want to protest, but that’s exactly what theydon’twant me to do. So I sit and try to listen to the bullshit they’re about to spew.
“You need to do something about the way you look,” Ezra says. “How fucking long have you been wearing that shirt? When’s the last time you ate, slept, or took a shower?”
“I was worried about Alize,” I say simply. “You guys stopped me from sleeping. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” No, I won’t be, but I’ll be as close as I can get until Alize stops treating me like shit.
“And the smoking?” Vance says.
Thatis something entirely different.
I prop my elbow on the armrest, leaning my cheek against my closed fist. “What about it?”
“I thought you quit.”
“I did.”
“Then? What the fuck is that behind your ear?” Ezra snarls, jabbing his finger in my direction.
I reach for the half-smoked cigarette I tucked behind my ear earlier.
“It’s a cigarette.” I say, holding it up. This only infuriates Ezra more. Vance sighs.
“You’re being intentionally thick,” Ezra says. “You know that’s poison on a stick. It’s why you stopped in the first place. Why the fuck are you back to doing it?”
Because it’s the only thing that makes me feel good right now.
I don’t say that to them though, because they wouldn’t understand. Vance and Ezra are health nuts—Vance because his health is literally his future since he’s a soccer player. Ezra’s studying medicine, so it checks out that he would be concerned.
But we each have our vices. I don’t dabble in Vance’s obsession with one-night stands, or Ezra’s sadistic shit. I would appreciate it if they gave me the same courtesy.
I rise from my chair, my legs shakier than I expect them to be. I stumble for a couple steps before I regain my balance. When I’ve stood at my full height, I glower at them.
“If your help is conditional on cross-examining me about every fucking thing I want to do, then you can keep it.” I say, fishing the lighter out of my pocket. “Close the door on your way out.”
I head to my bedroom before they can keep on with this bullshit. I bolt the door when I’m inside and head to the french balcony window and light up the cigarette. They sit in my living room talking to each other for as long as it takes me to finish the cigarette. The walls are too thick for me to make out what they’re saying, but I can hear the murmur of their voices.
Ezra is angrier than Vance—as he often is.
I don’t expect either of them to let it go, and maybe when I’m feeling differently we can have a conversation about it. Not now, though.
Eventually, I hear the door to my apartment slam shut.
They’re gone, finally.
I toss the butt into the ashtray on the end-table by the silk curtains and peel off my clothes. They were at least right about that—I’m in bad shape. I’ll shower in the morning.
