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Pocus had asked me to let go of my past and redefine my present. But do I want to go through all that when I don’t even know what the future holds? Am I strong enough to hold on to faith? All these questions keep running through my head, but I can’t find the answers to them. Just the thoughts of these uncertainties scare the shit out of me. I don’t know if I can handle any more unknowns when I’ve stumbled around in the dark for so long.
Start afresh with me, Abigail.
Can I really do that? Can I really find purpose in my existence?
“Hey, Abby.”
I look up to see Bones looking down at me with a hesitant smile. Is it me, or does the giant man seem anxious?
“Hi, Bones,” I greet, smiling up at him.
Bones gestures to the empty swing beside the one I’m currently occupying. “Can I sit with you?”
“Of course,” I reply quickly. “You are welcome to bask with me in the evening’s glory.”
Bones chuckles quietly and lowers himself onto the swing. “Thanks.”
An awkward silence settles between us. I wonder absentmindedly if the swing can support his weight…it’d be funny if the chains were to give in under the huge mass of muscles that make the man. I wonder why I’m dwelling on silly thoughts when I have so much to say to the man sitting next to me.
“I just want to say…,” Bones starts at the same time I say, “I’m sorry for….” We both stopped talking at the same time, and I can’t help the laughter that bubbles in my throat. It’s the first time that I have genuinely found a reason to laugh these days. And even if the reason is as silly as starting our sentences at the same time, I’m still grateful for it.
“I’m sorry,” Bones says with an apologetic laugh. “Lady’s first.”
I turn my body a little so that I’m facing him. “I know what I did to you, Bones,” I start quietly. “I remember.
“I betrayed your trust and made you feel like a fool for caring about a helpless stranger. And then I came around here, parading myself in front of you without a proper apology. I’m sorry, Bones. I’m really sorry.” I raise my eyes to his. “Forgive me, please?”
“No, Abigail,” Bones says, shaking his head. “No, I’m the one who should apologize. I shouldn’t have blamed you when I know very well what it means to be controlled by forces beyond your control. I put my ego forward without even trying to get to know you. You are a good person, Abigail. You don’t deserve any of what Anderson did to you.”
Hearing those words from Bone, I suddenly feel a knot loosening in my chest. I knew he wasn’t just trying to comfort me with mere words; he meant the words he said. It made me feel like I really deserved a fresh start.
I sigh softly and lower my eyes from his. “Is that what I really am; a good person?”
I raise my eyes to him again, searching his face for the truth. My heart starts a low, anxious thrum in my chest as I await his response.
What kind of person is Abigail Miller?
It’s a question that I have refused to acknowledge but has been echoing relentlessly in my head since the scattered bits of my memories became whole – a question whose answer I’ve been scared to discover.
Bone smiles at me, and even before he speaks the words, I see the sincerity in his eyes. “You deserve to be happy, Abigail.”
I thought the answer would be something grand, complicated even. But it turns out those few words were exactly all I needed.
I make a choice there and then. Life…. Happiness…. I’m going to define them all.
* * *
Pocus
Iclose the door behind me and drop onto one of the porch chairs with a breathy sigh. Seer is sitting in his usual spot, quietly flipping the pages of a thick book.
“I just got off the phone with Agent Bradley,” I say quietly.
Seer raises his face from the book, his brows deepening in an inquisitive frown. “How did that go?”
“Anderson is toast,” I say with a small smirk, allowing myself the smallest pleasure in the thrill of victory thrumming in my veins at the moment. “They confirmed the intel. They’re picking him up soon.”
“And the others?” Seer asks.
