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He moans into my mouth, which is the dose of reality I need. I pull back, panting.
A soft groan of protest escapes his throat as his eyelids flutter open. His eyes look dazed, mirroring the confusion warring inside my thoughts.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, searching my face with a worried frown. “Did I do something wrong?”
I shake my head. “I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t. We shouldn’t do this.”
“What?”
“I… I can’t….” I close my eyes briefly, heaving out a frustrated sigh. I can’t explain myself, not when I don’t understand myself. “I’m sorry,” I mutter helplessly, moving further away from him. Much later, I would mourn the loss of his body heat and regret not exploring the hard ridges of his shoulders. But for now… “I need to go!”
I fly off the couch, run out the door, and down the long hallway to my temporary bedroom, not stopping until I get to the entrance of my bedroom. I lean heavily against the door, breathing hard.
I’d managed to put some distance between Seer and me… but if only I could outrun these feelings that were bearing down on me.
* * *
I’m in trouble…
The thought keeps bouncing around inside my head repeatedly until I want to scream my frustration. How did I go from trying to keep my sanity to doing the exact thing that made me lose it? How do I stop wanting her now that I’ve had a taste of her lips? I can almost feel the softness of her lips on my tongue.
Damn. I fucking want her.
“Seer?” I look up to see Pocus frowning at me from across the porch table, and his eyes narrow suspiciously. “Did you hear anything I said?”
Of course, I didn’t.
“I’m sorry, man. I wasn’t listening.”
“Of course you weren’t,” Pocus says in a light tone. “You’ve been wearing that sullen expression all day. Is something wrong?”
“Ça va, mon ami,” I say, flashing him a small smile.
“Ça ne va pas, Seer,” Pocus insists, his green eyes boring intensely into mine. “I can tell that all is not well. Is this about Tory?”
I snicker quietly. “Are you a shaman or something? How can you be so damn accurate all the time?”
“Don’t change the subject, Seer.”
With a resigned sigh, I leaned back in my seat. “I can’t stop thinking about Victoria, man. I like her. A lot. And she like me too, at least that’s what she told me. But she’s complicated. One minute, she wants me, and the next, she’s not so sure. It’s like we’re playing a game of push and pull. My life is already exhausting as it is, what with learning to live without my power and trying to find my twin brother before he makes a mess of my life any further. Now, I have to contend with these overwhelming emotions, too. The whole thing is driving me insane, and I’m not sure I want to get on this roller coaster with Tory.”
“Too late, my friend,” Pocus says with a simple shrug.
I shake my head slightly at him to convey my confusion. “What do you mean, too late?”
“I mean, you are already on the roller coaster, Seer. It’s left for you to either enjoy the ride or jump off. Either way, you can’t avoid getting hurt.”
“Now, I’m even more confused,” I reply with a bemused chuckle.
“Don’t be, mon ami. What does your heart want?”
“Victoria,” I replied in all honesty. “I want all of her.”
“Then, fight for her, my friend. Sometimes the war is not about blood and gore… it’s about patience. As ironic as it may sound, the hardest part of loving someone is waiting for them to make that decision to walk with you, even though it feels like your heart is breaking all over again each time you are without them.”
I lean back in my seat with a heavy sigh. “Here I was, thinking it’s all roses and flowers.”
Pocus laughs and shakes his head. “I think love is an unequal combination of pain and gain. But in the end, the bliss of having your own personal person is worth whatever the wait and pain.”
