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“Are we ever going to do anything except eat together?” she asks with a raised brow. “This is beginning to feel like you’re secretly tricking me into going on dates with you.”
I nearly choke on the food I’m about to swallow.
“What?” She mocks with a grin. “Allergic to the worddate?”
When she lets her guard down, joking with me, it makes me feel like I’ve won something. This side of her is something I feel few people ever have the pleasure to witness.
“No,” I say forcefully, “but I’m offended you think I’d have to trick you into dating me.” Lowering my voice and getting dangerously closer to her so her scent invades me, I say, “One day soon you’ll be begging me for a date. Trust me, there will be no doubt about what we’re actually doing.”
She swallows thickly, her pulse visibly jumping and I can’t help the smile spreading over my face at having rattled her carefully constructed walls.
They might only be rattling now, but soon they’re going to come crumbling down.
I return to my previous position, completely changing the subject, like I’m not at all affected by being near her, I begin, “It really is cool here. The mountains and farms. The rivers too.”
Mia shakes her head as if fighting a fog. “Y-Yeah,” she stutters, and I can’t hide my grin. “I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.”
“Really? Even having traveled the world you’d rather stay here?”
Mia’s seen more of the world than most people ever experience, countries I probably don’t even know the names of, and as nice as it is here it still surprises me she’d choose to stay.
She nods, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. It’s futile as the wind immediately blows it into her face. “Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling and I’ve seen so many amazing places, but this is home. I always end up back here. I think I’m suited to the vibe of a small town.”
I finish a bite of my food, thinking over my words. “Growing up I couldn’t wait to get out of Tennessee. I thought everything I wanted, needed, was in L.A. I never thought I’d end up back in a small town, but here I am. Everything seems to be aligning as it was meant to,” I confess. “I think what I was running from is what I needed all along.”
I stare at her significantly.
I never wanted to attach myself to anything that meant growing roots. Now, here I am desperately seeking the thing I fled from. It’s not only Mia, though she’s a big part even if she doesn’t know it, it’s this place. It’s Hayes and how I feel our music flourishing under his guidance, becoming bigger and better than I ever thought it could be.
I think being forced to get serious, no clubbing, no girls, or booze, is clearing my mind of the fog I’ve been in since I stepped foot in L.A. Something about the city puts you under a spell, twisting and molding you into a whole new being. Some probably become a better version of themselves, but most, like me, turn into a stranger. There’s something about chasing fame that has the ability to turn you into some vapid version of yourself.
Glancing beside me at Mia I feel a rush of something I can’t explain. She’s not looking at me. Instead, she has her face tilted toward the sky, her eyes closed as she soaks in the heat and breeze caressing her skin. The gnarled trees paint shadows on her face and before I can second-guess myself I hold up my phone and take a picture. She doesn’t even notice. Glancing down at the photo on my screen I feel a stirring inside me. One of pride and appreciation. Sure, she looks beautiful in the photo, but what strikes me the most is how peaceful and comfortable she is. When’s the last time I was at peace like her?
She turns toward me and I stuff my phone in my pocket before she can ask what I’m looking at.
“Have you ever felt at home anywhere before? Like I do here?” she asks softly, the sun a halo behind her.
I start to say no, I want to say no, but those aren’t the words leaving my mouth. “I do now.”
Belonging and existing are two completely different things. All this time I’ve merely been existing until I came here, and now I feel like I belong. Even the guys are different here, as if we’ve all been searching for this place, these people, this whole time.
Mia’s eyes shimmer with an emotion I can’t decipher and then she completely changes the subject. “How’s the recording going?” she asks.
“Slow,” I reply. “But good. Your dad is being more particular, but it’s what we need. We can’t get better without critique.”
She nods. “You guys are fantastic—and it should mean a lot to you coming from me, because I’m super picky about music,” she laughs, the sound like tinkling bells. She bumps her shoulder playfully into mine.
Friends, I remind myself.
Just friends. It’s all she wants from me.
I know she’s attracted to me, that much is obvious, but … if she feels anywhere near what I feel she’s damn good at hiding it. Unfortunately, I think she’s content being friends and fuck if I don’t feel hurt by it.
It shouldn’t bother me, I wish it didn’t, but it does.
The universe finally gives me a girl I’m genuinely attracted to for more than sex and I can’t act on my feelings for several reasons. Even if her dad wasn’t an issue and my career wasn’t on the line, I’d never try to pressure her into anything she didn’t want to do. I might be an asshole at times, but I’m not a total douchebag.
Realizing I’ve been quiet too long I say, “It does … mean a lot.”
