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“What if they don’t love me?” I whispered, my voice breaking.
“Yourrealfamily always will. I’m here for you, Kiyana. Whenever you decide to come out or if you never do. But you deserve to be happy either way.”
I sniffed, nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. The thought of going to prom with Xi was just as exciting as our kiss had been. But I had so much to lose if I gave into that desire. And unlike Stefon and Xi, I didn’t know if I could risk all I had for something new.
Twenty-One
Xiomara
After a dozen ridesdown the inflatable slide that did nothing to lighten my mood, we went to my house to get ready for prom. I hadn’t been invited to the Emerson Academy junior/senior prom, so this was my first time going to a fancy dance. I would have been excited if not for the hollow ache in my chest.
I’d been so hopeful to have a date, but it wasn’t fair of me to ask Kiyana. No one deserved anyone else to come out. I needed to respect her timeline. No matter how much it would suck to be on my own. No matter how much I wanted to kiss her again.
But I had to remember that I wasn’t really on my own. Shelley, Ronnie, and Dee were in my room getting ready while Van hung out in the living room watching TV. Dad and Mom were out helping with festival cleanup before they needed to chaperone tonight. And I knew they were doing that all for me. To help me feel loved and accepted.
From the sounds of it, Kiyana didn’t have that. I just hoped, for her sake, that she would someday feel loved as she deserved to be. If Dee wasn’t busy applying a sunless tanner to the tank top lines on my shoulders, I would text Kiyana now and apologize for the way I left, for the unfair expectations I’d placed on her.
Shelley sat in a chair as Ronnie worked a large-barreled curling iron through her long blond locks. She smiled over at me and said, “Can you believe we’re going to our first prom?”
I shook my head, and Ronnie said, “I can’t wait to dance with Van. We’ve been to Spike together, but it’s not the same.”
Dee said, “You should enjoy yourselves. I love going out to the clubs and dancing, but it’s definitely not the same as a school dance.” She giggled. “Everyone wears a lot less clothes, and it gets way colder in Kansas than it does in California.”
I laughed at the thought of Dee going to the club with all the other scantily clad college girls. She was our layers girl—always in a hoodie, even in the middle of summer. “Has anyone bedazzled your hoodie yet so you fit in?” I teased.
Dee rolled her eyes. “You need to be nicer to the person putting tanning lotion on you.”
“True,” I said. It had definitely gone wrong before.
“Do you have a date?” Dee asked Shelley.
Shelley’s pale cheeks flushed bright pink. “I do.”
“Woo!” Dee cheered. “Tell us about him! Her? They?”
Shelley laughed. “It’s a he. He actually goes to Emerson High.” Just those few words she spoke about him put a giddy smile on her face.
“What’s his name?” Dee asked, already wiping off her hands and reaching for her phone.
“Gunnar Townsend,” Shelley answered.
In two seconds flat, Dee had his social media profile on her phone and was scrolling through pictures. I’d already seen photos when Shelley and Gunnar were just talking, but I looked anyway.
“He’s cute!” Dee said, flipping through photos of him. He looked like Ken to Shelley’s Barbie. Tall, curly sandy-brown hair, blue eyes, just a few freckles on his cheeks. The perfect match for Shell.
Ronnie nodded. “He’s nice too. We all went to Waldo’s with him last week, and he was pretty fun to hang out with.”
I cringed at the memory of feeling like a fifth wheel the entire time while the couples made moony eyes at each other. I knew they didn’t do it on purpose or try to leave me out, but I couldn’t help wishing I could have something like that for myself. Someone to hold hands with in the movie theater and kiss when we thought no one was looking.
Ronnie finished running Shelley’s hair through the curling iron and sprayed a thick mist of hairspray over the top. Then they swapped places, starting the process on Ronnie’s fine brown hair.
“How long have you and Van been dating?” Dee asked her.
With a happy smile, Ronnie said, “We’ve been together almost nine months, and we haven’t even had an argument.”
“God, that’s an eternity in high school,” Dee said. “I’m pretty sure Lucy’s longest relationship was three months.”
I laughed, remembering feeling like Lucy had a revolving door of boys coming to pick her up for dates. Dee, on the other hand, had only dated one guy in high school, casually. Part of me had wondered if she might be gay like me, but her new guy had proven my suspicions incorrect.
