AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“On you. I figure I know you pretty well, and I have been thinking that somehow this little fake girlfriend set-up this weekend was just a ploy to get on my good side and get close to me again. And maybe I went along with it because I wanted to just go back to how it used to feel between us before everything got so complicated. I used to feel so close to you, like you were the only person who really got me.” She lets out a long sigh. I know she hates talking about her feelings, but that is exactly the way I felt about her. I wait for her to find her words. “It depends on what you want from me.”
What I want from her? Can’t she tell already? “I want everything. Time hasn’t changed the way I feel about you. If anything, being away from you has made me see how much I don’t want to live without you.”
She looks at me like the thought scares the shit out of her. “What does that even mean? Everything?” Her words quiver a little as she tries to get them out. Like the thought of how much I want her scares her.
“It’s not a secret how much I want you. I want back what we had before your dad found out and got rid of me. I need you to look at me the way you used to, with adoration, lust...” I watch her, waiting for her to say something, but she just stares at me. “I want back what we started before it was taken away from us.”
She nods slowly. “I wish it was that easy. I really do. Just flick the switch and it’s back on like it was when we were younger. But the truth is, I’m not the same person anymore, and I bet you're not either. You can’t just go back.” She takes my hand, drawing a circle around my palm absentmindedly like she just had to touch me and it didn't matter in what way. Then her eyes rise to meet mine and she exhales a long breath. “Why don’t we just agree to be friends and see what happens? No pressure. I'm not in the right frame of mind to make you any promises, but I don’t want to hate you. This weekend has shown me you’re too important in my life. I’m sorry I came at you being such a bitch from the second I saw you. I was… in shock, I think. I never really expected to see you again or feel like I did when you were suddenly back in my life.”
“If I could go back and change things, I would.” I bring my hand to her cheek, caressing her as I look deep into her eyes. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever known. And the time we’ve had apart has been torture. I wish I knew what to do, what to say to her to fix us. But there's so much hidden behind her green eyes, secrets she has locked away, and if she doesn’t open up and let me in, I can’t make it better.
“So would I. But we can’t,” she says sadly.
I continue to stare deep into her soul, and she holds my gaze. Her dark lashes flutter, and her eyes drop to my lips then back again. She tells me friends, but I can feel she wants more. I have waited so long to be back here with her. It's impossible to be just friends. My face drops closer, and our lips brush against each other with the slightest kiss. There’s too much energy swirling between us. When it comes to her, I want it all.
She leans in, her warm body pressing into mine as she lets my tongue part her lips so I can taste her. This is what I have needed from the moment I saw her again. To be connected to her. Taste her sweet lips and feel like everything is right with the world again, even if I know it’s not.
Her hands lace through my hair as she clings on, kissing me with the same desperation I feel. My hand skates down her back, resting on her ass, and I pull her closer to me, showing how badly I need her. I kiss down her neck then smash my mouth back with hers.
She pulls away, breathless and panting, a hand going to her chest like she can't catch her breath. Her cheeks are flushed, and she stares back at me like she is trying to get a hold of herself. “Just friends, Brandon,” she whispers, but her eyes are still locked on mine, and the desire hasn't disappeared. I know she wants more than just friends. But she’s guarded, trying to protect herself. “I want to, but I can’t handle anything else.”
She pulls away from me completely, standing and picking up the bottle and taking another swig, like she needs the drink to calm herself. I know what she’s doing, trying to drown out her feelings for me because she knows what she just felt was more real than anything else, and it scared her.
I want to reach out and pull her back to me, show her what she is missing out on every time she rejects me, but I control myself. I know she's already mine, she just needs a little more time to get with the program.
She sits on the concrete rooftop cross-legged, just far enough away that I can't reach her. We fall silent. She plays with her hair, braiding small sections of it as the rest falls around her face. So soft and pretty, it does nothing to dampen my arousal. Her hair has always been such a fucking turn-on, and when it's out and wild like it is tonight, it makes me want her even more.
She looks back at me. “Have you seen your ma since you got home?” she asks, filling the void between us with more talk, probably hoping to drown out the thoughts she's now having.
I hold my hand out for the bottle, disappointment filling me. This might have been my only chance, but I’m not going to give up. I know what I am to her, and she will come around. Reluctantly she hands it over, and I take a drink. It's terrible cheap hotel wine, but it's something to do with my mouth so I don't kiss her again. “A couple of times. She's doing okay. She was in remission until the start of this year after treatment a few years ago, but the cancer is back, and she's been going through chemo again."
She drops her head. "She’s a fighter, your ma. If anyone can battle this, it's her, right?”
“She is.” I sigh, hating talking about it with her. "I'm sure she will," I tell her, because what else is there to say? I'm getting her the best treatment possible, and it still might not be enough. This time, I might not be able to save her. If only Cassie knew her dad is the only reason my ma has lived this long. I wonder what she would think of that. If she would be thankful that his money saved her life or if she would hate him for putting me in that situation where I had to choose between my ma getting treatment or the girl I love.
“I feel like I know nothing about you these days. Where are you living since moving back? Did you get your own place in Palm Springs? Or are you with your ma?”
“I'm living with a friend and his brothers on a property just outside of town, not too far from your parents’ place.”
“Oh.”
“I assume you’re still at home.”
“Yes, why do you assume that?”
"I know your parents, and you’re their baby. They will be looking after you for as long as possible, not wanting to let you go.”Or let anyone go near you.
She plays with her long hair, twirling it in her fingers, and I can hardly stand it. I want my hands running through her hair, pulling it back on her head as we finish what we just started.
“You're probably right. I have thought about moving out on my own. Maybe once I get through my first year of teaching.” She shrugs then picks up the bottle to have another drink. She shakes it, then tips it up. “Bottle’s empty. Must be time to call it a night.” She looks at me like she is waiting for me to protest.
“I’ll walk you to your room.” I stand, holding my hands out to help her up. We take the stairs down to our floor in silence, desire hanging thick and heavy between us. The warmth of her delicate hand is so comforting in mine. She looks up at me, her hair brushing my arm as she searches my face, eyes bright and hopeful.
“I guess this is good night.” Her eyes drop to my lips, the tension between us almost impossible to bear.
My heart races. "Fuck this," I growl, brushing her silky hair aside and smashing my lips with hers. I'm not waiting any longer to have her. Pretending to be friends when she knows we’re so much more than that is bullshit. She's up on her toes pressing back into me with just as much force. I kiss her with everything I have; it’s deep and passionate and desperate. And as she opens her mouth to let my tongue explore, I hear the breathy moan escape her. I pick her up at the waist and press her back into the wall. She wraps her legs around me like they were made to fit.
I kiss down her neck to her chest, and she presses her body into mine, wanting me to touch her. Her eyes close. "Brandon, I'm scared."
