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It was the hottest thing I had ever experienced.
But I still wanted to kick myself.
The reasons Killian and I couldn’t be together still existed, especially now that we were all back in New York City. Coming back to reality wasn’t easy, particularly now that my world had changed, but I needed to find a way to make peace with things.
Fast.
Before I did something stupid again.
Half of me was tempted to reach for my phone and dial Serena’s number, to vent and hear myself say the words. The other half of me knew that if I called her number and told her truth, there was no going back.
And I wasn’t ready to leave my little bubble of denial yet.
So long as neither of us admitted to anything out loud, we could go back to the way things were. Granted, pretending like I had no idea how Killian felt was going to be a lot harder than I thought, but it was better than the alternative.
It was better than spending my days pining after him like some lovesick puppy.
I had always prided myself on being immune to Killian’s charm and appeal.
And I desperately wanted to cling to that.
But as I lay in bed, tossing and turning, I kept replaying our night together until I buried my face against the pillow and groaned. When I squeezed my eyes shut, I saw Killian pressed against me, his smooth, taut muscles glistening underneath fluorescent lightning, and I heard the sound of our panting, reverberating inside of my head.
Fuck.
How was I meant to get him out of my system now?
The next morning, I went through my daily routine with a dull pounding in the back of my skull. It stayed with me even after I consumed a large mug of coffee and a cream cheese bagel while standing over the sink. On my way out the door, I stopped to check that Skittles had enough food and water for the day before snatching my purse up off the table. In the car, I fiddled with the radio before settling on a country music station and leaning back against the chair.
Having spent most of the night trying to avoid all thoughts of Killian, I wasn’t ready to go back to the office. Wanting to do my job well and prove to myself that I was still competent and above what happened was one thing. Being forced to do it in full view of an entire company that would turn on its head if it knew the truth was another.
Dealing with your colleagues won’t be the hard part, and you know it. You’re just trying to focus on that, so you don’t think about how much you want to walk into Killian’s office and lock the door.
I gripped my steering wheel tighter as buildings and people rushed past me in either direction, bringing me closer to my dreaded destination. Once the light turned red, I blew out a breath and changed the station. Then I turned the music up in an effort to drown out all thoughts of Killian and focus on what I needed to do.
When I pulled up outside the company garage, knots formed in the center of my stomach. I checked my reflection in the rearview mirror, tucked my shirt into my skirt and reached for my purse. The headache in the back of my skull remained as I took the elevator upstairs and made a beeline for the break room. I was pouring cream into my mug when Serena came in, looking bright eyed and well-rested.
“How was Miami?”
I shrugged and lifted the mug up to my lips. “Lots of sand. Lots of water.”
Serena rummaged through the fridge and pulled out a cup of yogurt. “That’s it? That’s all you’re going to tell me?”
“We met with the construction team,” I told her, in between sips of my drink. “We’ll have to make a few adjustments regarding the timeline, but it should be fine.”
Serena raised an eyebrow. “Okay, what’s up with you?”
“Nothing. I’m just tired. It was a three-hour flight that got in late.”
“I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t fly back with the rest of the team on the private jet.”
I cleared my throat. “Skittles was feeling off, and I wanted to get him home sooner. Anyway, isn’t there a general meeting later?”
Serena finished her yogurt and tossed it into the trash. “Exactly. Oh by the way, I ran into Killian on the way in, and he told me he wanted to see you.”
I swallowed the lump that arose in my throat. “Did he say why?”
Serena shook her head. “No idea.”
