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"I was in the wrong tonight," he amended, attempting to calm himself down. "I know I am a devil. I was cruel. I was evil to you. I own what I have done. But you still fuckinglie–" Shaking his head, he snapped his mouth shut and ran a hand through his hair. Jaw clenched, he drew in several calming breaths before continuing, "You know what you did to me,corderito." A vein throbbed in his temple as he spoke. "Do not ever pretend that you do not know what youcostme that night." He ran a hand through his hair and hissed, "Do not pretend to be perfect."
I withered up inside as a tsunami of guilt washed through me.
"What happened that night wasnotmy fault," I croaked out, emotions bombarding me.
"Wasn't it?" he replied dryly. "I think it is pretty clear what happened, and, more importantly,whyit happened."
"Trig." My shoulders sagged in defeat. "I didn’t mean –" I shook my head. "You know that Ineverintentionally told them where –"
"Youbetrayedme,corderito!" he cut me off with a vicious snarl and then roughly cleared his throat. "Not in all the ways I once believed, and I will carry that regret with me until I take my last breath," he added in a gruffer tone. "But youstillbetrayed me – whether youmeantto or not."
"It wasn't how it looked," I squeezed out, feeling my heart constrict in my chest.
"No," he sighed. "Nothing ever is, it seems."
"Trig." I shook my head, denying the ugliness.
"Tell me that I am wrong," he urged then, tone thick. "Tell me that I am mistaken,corderito. Tell me that you did not betray me – that you did not sell me out tohim," he bit out. "Say it one time, only once, and I give you my word that Iwillbelieve you." Desperation tinged his tone. "Just tell me that I am wrong. Tell me that it was not you who gave up their location, and I will spend forever making the last two years and tonight up to you." He gave me pleading look. "Por favor, mi reina."
I opened my mouth and then swiftly clamped it shut, unable to lie. "Ican't."
Itwasme.
Whether I meant to or not, or whether I had been coerced into giving his secrets up, I was the one who had given vital information to his brothers.
Betrayal and hurt flashed in his eyes, similar to the betrayal and hurt that was blazing out of mine, and he nodded stiffly. "I see."
"But it wasn't what you think," I hurried to defend, shivering violently now. "But it – I didn’t – I trusted – and you weren't – it wasnoton purpose." Swallowing down a sob, I whispered, "I made a mistake."
"Sí. As did I," he bit out in a tight tone. "And I, too, have many regrets. Unfortunately, regrets do not change what has come to pass."
"Do you still want me to pay?" I whispered, watching his face carefully for a reaction. "That night, you said that you would make me –" I stopped short, unwilling to allow my mind to go back there. "Do you still want me dead?"
"Do you still wantmedead?" he challenged, staring right back at me, unblinking. "Corderito?"
"Yes," I breathed, unsure if I meant what I was saying, but too overwhelmed to think rationally. "I want you to pay for what you did to me."
"It is a strange world of irony we find ourselves in," he replied quietly.
"Are you going to kill me?" I asked then, feeling my blood run cold. "Is that what this is about? Did you claim me to get rid of me? To make good on your vow?" I held my breath while I waited for his response.
Several moments passed in tense silence before he finally spoke.
"No,corderito," he said in a quiet tone. "If I still wanted you dead, then you would be dead."
Another round of tense silence enveloped us then.
I was reeling.
He was brooding.
"How did we get here, Trig?" I breathed, heart cracking in my chest, as I obliterated the silence. "Look at us." Shaking my head, I gestured around us. "Look at how we've turned out." I shrugged helplessly. "We had a plan."
"I know exactly how I got here," he replied. "I made the age-old mistake of falling in love with a girl. Worse than loving her, I made the detrimental decision to make her my whole world. To make her my equal. I lost my fucking mind in her. I built an armyforher. I rallied against my familyforher. I killed for her. I stole for her. I lied, cheated, schemed, and swindled for her. To avenge her. Tofreeher. I trusted her with my secrets. With my s–" Stopping short, he sighed heavily before finishing with, "The rest, as they say, is an unfortunate series of events that led us to this night."
"One mistake, Trigger," I squeezed out. "I only made one bad, impulsive decision with you."
"As did I,corderito," he replied quietly. "But, as we've both learned tonight, one mistake is all it takes to implode your own world."
