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“Then what are you doing, Molloy?” he came right out and asked, green eyes clear for a change, and locked on my face. “Do you love him?”
“I have love for him.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I knew that. “What do you want me to say, Joe?”
“Make it make sense to me.”
“Make what make sense?”
“You and him.”
“Oh god.” I laughed. “How long do you have?”
“All night.”
Blowing out a shaky breath, I thought about it for a while, trying to find a diplomatic way of saying ‘because if I have any chance of getting over you, I need to be with a boy who’s the complete opposite’before settling on, “I guess, I’ve always known where I stand with Paul.”Something I’ve never known with you.
“Where you stand?”
“Yeah.” I nodded slowly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know it’s not perfect. It’s really,reallyfar from perfect, but at least I’m navigating our relationship with a clear head and my eyes open.”And most importantly, I can’t get hurt.“I know his game, and he’s not going to be able to pull the wool over my eyes.”
“That sounds miserable.”
“It’s safe.”Safer than you.
“So, he’s your shield.”
“My shield?”
“From getting fucked over.” Joey’s brows furrowed. “Why keep it going this long?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, feeling at a loss. “Probably because it’s all I’ve known since first year. Being with Paul is comfortable. There’s no work to it, and besides, he wants to be with me.”And you don’t.
Joey stared at me for the longest time before shaking his head. “It won’t last with him.”
“No?”Oh god, I hope not.“You don’t think?”
“No.” He shook his head again. “Any relationship that is held together because it’s comfortable, isn’t a relationship worth having.”
I huffed out a breath. “Yeah, well, take it from someone with first-hand knowledge of this kind of thing, sometimes comfortable is as good as it gets.”
“Bullshit. Comfortable isn’t as good as it gets,” Joey challenged, narrowing his eyes. “You shouldn’t settle forcomfortable, Molloy. You shouldn’t settle for anything less than being in love to the point of madness. The only person that you should be settling for is the person whounsettlesyou the most. The person who drives you to brink of suicide because he or she makes you feel so fucking much that you can’t catch your breath or remotely function without them. And what’s more is you won’t want to. You won’t want to breathe, or feel, or fucking function without them. That’s how you’ll know that it’s a real relationship, Molloy. Only when you’re feeling the most discomfort you’ve ever felt in your entire life, should you evenconsidersettling. Because that’s when you’ll know you’re in love, which, sounds to me, like a hell of a lot nicer way to live than settling for someone you have nothing in common with because it’scomfortable.”
Whoa.
My breath hitched in my throat as my heart decided to jackknife in my chest. “You really believe that?”
“For you?” He nodded without a hint of uncertainty. “Absolutely.”
“What about you?”
“What about me, Molloy?”
“Is that what you’re holding out for?” I whispered, pulse racing. “That kind of epic love?”
“No,” he said flatly.
